Crypto news

Bitcoin Frenzy: Is Crypto About to Buy Out the Entire World?

BBG News

Six weeks of Bitcoin triumph. Six weeks! And why, you ask? The world, as ever, spins for the brokers—this time it’s President Trump, puffed-up and glowing, shaking hands with the U.K. over goblets of trade wine, tossing optimism over markets like morning vodka in Nizhny Novgorod.

Bitcoin, that wild stallion of digital dreams, reared up to $103,700 last Saturday. Just a 4.4% trot—barely a sneeze—and the old beast will break its all-time record. One wonders if the price outpaces the enthusiasm, or if both are just trying to outrun reality for a few more glorious miles.

Meanwhile, in serene Switzerland, officials from the U.S. and China gather—cold hands in warmer pockets—pretending to negotiate tariffs while secretly wishing they could settle things over vodka shots. Vice Premier He Lifeng leads Beijing’s delegation with the vigor of a man who’s read too much Dostoyevsky—grim resolve, iron will, and an eye on every American handshake.

If a trade deal is signed—if!—then perhaps, say the market mystics, recession will retreat like a mouse before the boot. The Fed, those enigmatic high priests, might even cut rates, sparking another round of speculative euphoria.

Now the analysts, propelled by dreams as grand as those who once believed bread could be free, have begun their parade: those at Standard Chartered issued an apology (imagine such humility in finance!) because $120,000 for Bitcoin is apparently small potatoes, the price of a good Moscow apartment, perhaps. They now expect $200,000 by year’s end. Ambitious, but remember: hope is cheap, even at these prices.

Not to be outdone, BlackRock—the capitalist colossus—proclaims Bitcoin could soar to $700,000, finally making all of us rich enough to buy shoes for both feet—maybe even for the neighbor’s goat. Their latest epistle declares Bitcoin a safe haven, immune to crises. Covid? War? Mere blips! Bitcoin, the eternal phoenix, rises regardless. 🚀

Then comes Cathie Wood with her Ark Invest, gazing into a crystal ball and seeing $2.4 million by 2030. At that point, Bitcoin’s “diluted valuation” would squash the GDPs of China and the U.S. combined—surely, then, it will rain champagne, or at least NFT confetti. 🍾

Tom Lee sings of $250,000 and Chamath Palihapitiya doubles down at $500,000. Even Robert Kiyosaki, grizzled prophet of personal finance, throws another log on the digital bonfire: $250,000. In his weekly sermon, Kiyosaki champions Bitcoin over gold and silver, finding comfort in its 21 million supply cap. Between us, he owns gold, silver, oil wells—he’ll dig, drill, and mine more whenever he pleases. But Bitcoin? The miners stopped at 21 million; even Gorky couldn’t convince Satoshi otherwise. 😏

WHY BITCOIN is a better asset than gold or silver:

One reason why I trust Bitcoin is there are only to ever be 21 million.

I own gold and silver mines and oil wells.

If the price of gold, silver, or oil goes up, I will simply mine or drill for more, expanding supply.

I…

— Robert Kiyosaki (@theRealKiyosaki) May 7, 2025

$40 billion in ETF inflows, they say. The market, flush with hope and memes, hungrily watching Bitcoin supply on exchanges—now drier than a Siberian potato in January.

Bitcoin price technical analysis

The weekly chart is a ladder to paradise—or maybe just delirium. Bitcoin climbs, slips, but refuses to fall below its stubborn trendline, loyal as a dog to its November 2022 master. That cup-and-handle pattern at $68,835? Still standing. The 50-week moving average? Above it, for now, like a factory worker after three vodkas. 🚬

All that’s left is the all-time high: $109,300, the finishing line before bulls and dreamers alike stagger, glass in hand, to the next prediction. Analysts mutter about $123,000, squinting hard at their charts, measuring cups, hoping for magic (or at least another headline). The circus continues, the show must go on—and who among us dares to look away from such splendid madness? 🎪

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2025-05-10 16:58

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