Bitcoin Drama: Riot Dumps While MicroStrategy Goes on a $180M Shopping Spree—Is the Bubble Bubbling Over?
In a twist worthy of a tired Moscow magician, Riot Platforms—once a devout worshipper at the altar of “hodl”—has unceremoniously flogged 475 Bitcoin on the open market. Yes, sold! Meanwhile, MicroStrategy, those tireless accumulators chasing their own golden tail, just spent another cool $180 million on Bitcoin today, wallets gasping for breath. Evidently, it’s the first time Riot’s broken their no-sell vow since January 2024. Somewhere, a cyber-priest weeps. 😱
MicroStrategy keeps gobbling up Bitcoin like a tubercular patient with a new batch of morphine, to the horror of the neighborhood finance doctors. Anton Golub—tech founder, entrepreneur, occasional raining-on-parades expert—warned the world that MicroStrategy’s gluttonous BTC acquisition has all the trappings of a Ponzi scheme. Allegations are flying faster than rubles in a 1920s breadline.
You Sell, I Buy: The Capitalist Waltz
Riot Platforms, proud miner of digital gold and once the patron saint of “hodlers never sell,” has—in a move as audacious as a tax inspector at a dinner party—turned seller. In addition to toiling endlessly in their digital mines, they’ve even bought a few satoshis on the side. But today, the press office burst forth with tidings of quantum-level reversals:
“In the balmy month of April, dear friends, we decided to sell our freshly-mined bitcoin to feed our rapacious growth plans. Funding sources are like unpredictable Moscow trams, so we eye them all. Above all, we guard our balance sheet as one guards an illicit bottle of vodka,” declared Jason Les, Riot’s CEO—perhaps with a slightly trembling hand.
But wait for it—Riot is quitting mining hosting, too, presumably to focus more on not going out of business. Revenues are looking more threatened than a samovar at a Bolshevik rally, so the firm is finding new ways to keep the lights flickering (at least temporarily).
Les confessed that Riot squeezed 463 Bitcoin from the earth in April, needing to borrow from their reserves, thanks to “two successive difficulty adjustments” that made mining as fun as filling out Soviet-era paperwork.
Meanwhile, if any company could be accused of hoarding Bitcoin like a paranoid cat hoards expired sardines, it’s MicroStrategy. The firm has spent 2025 offering up to $84 billion—yes, billion!—in magical new stock sales to pay for its digital loot.
Today, Michael Saylor, the lion-tamer chair, bought another 1,895 BTC for $180.3 million—presumably on a lunch break while calculating how many zeros exist in $180 million.
Magnificent timing! Strategy had just announced a delicious $4.2 billion net loss in Q1, making it the world’s most expensive game of Monopoly. The company might soon need to sell its precious Bitcoin—a sight to make crypto Twitter clutch its pearls.
Enter Anton Golub, who, in true tragicomic style, waved red flags furiously:
“Greatest disaster awaiting crypto is Saylor’s $84 billion Bitcoin buying spree. He’s wheeling out shares offering 10%+ annual yield—without profits, without sustainable revenue. Where’s the yield coming from? New investors, da! It all works… if Bitcoin pumps till doomsday. When this buckets over, retail investors get a free lesson in crying,” he scoffed with the glee of someone lighting someone else’s money on fire. 🔥
Golub also pointed out that MicroStrategy is financing its circus with convertible bonds so risky, even Rasputin might hesitate. The company gets lauded as a market pillar—though given the way things wobble, perhaps “wobbly table leg” is most apt.
Michael Saylor himself is, in Kafkaesque fashion, almost forbidden from selling. The crypto world watches his every trade with more anxiety than a clerk watching the NKVD knock. If he ever dumps, expect a melodrama sure to shake the digital taverns across the globe.
Altogether, the duet of Riot and MicroStrategy could be making even the most iron-nerved traders reach for something stronger than tea. The miners are bailing out, the whales might be balancing on melting ice—and every crypto enthusiast’s fate hangs in the balance, like a cat in a potato sack. 🐾💸
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2025-05-06 00:10