Bitcoin Crash as Tariffs Loom: A Chaotic Crypto Tale

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Bitcoin, that capricious square of numbers that behaves like a cat on a keyboard, decided to throw a tantrum just as the grown-ups in Washington got themselves into a tariff frenzy. The latest spectacle: a threat to slap tariffs on Chinese goods, because nothing says financial stability like a global argument wearing a necktie. 💸🤔

The claim from the White House was that Beijing is “very hostile” and, unsurprisingly, that someone has been lying. If you listen carefully, you can hear the room where the adults used to speak now being taken over by a chorus of economists with a sense of melodrama that would make a soap opera blush. 😅

Then came the usual theater of drummed-up bravado-impose a “massive increase in tariffs,” said the man who tweets with the calm of a man pressing the alarm button in a crowded cinema. The markets responded with the speed of a caffeinated hedgehog, and Bitcoin, which had flirted with an all-time high only a few days earlier, started the hour at about $121,300 and slid to around $119,000-a fall of about two grand, give or take. 📉

Altcoins fared no better: ZEC, MNT, TAO, M, PUMP, LTC, BONK, and PENGU dropped by more than 4% within an hour. The mood was less “to the moon” and more “to the ground, ideally with a parachute.” 🪂

As for the mechanics of misfortune, liquidations climbed to roughly $250 million in that single hour. On the day, the total approached $600 million, and more than 155,000 traders found themselves on the wrong side of the chart, which is a nice way of saying they got burned. 🔥💸

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2025-10-10 19:27