Bitcoin Blasts Past $100K and Robinhood’s Stock Gets Absolutely Drunk on Gains 🚀

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  • Robinhood’s HOOD just led the charge in crypto stocks, soaring 15%. Watch out, Wall Street, your lunch money is in danger. 🍔💸
  • Bitcoin miners and MSTR caught a lift, up over 5%, while Coinbase’s COIN decided to hit the snooze button. đź’¤

Somehow, somewhere, while you were doomscrolling and avoiding eye contact with your boss, Bitcoin [BTC] sashayed past $104K—first time since January’s gym membership resolution failed. Biggest digital asset in the room, adding $8.5K this week—so, you know, just a casual 9% bounce from those tragic $93K Monday lows. Yes, the rest of us are still budgeting groceries. 

HOOD, Miners, and a Sprinkle of FOMO  

Robinhood—because where else do you go for stock trading and emotional rollercoasters—took its HOOD ticker from $45 to $55. Fifteen percent up. Not even my phone battery lasts that long. 

Meanwhile, Bitcoin miners—living proof you can still get rich digging for digital gold—inched up 5.36% in just four days. Which, come on, is about as dramatic as a family group chat on Thanksgiving.

Strategy’s MSTR, corporate hero and patron saint of treasuries with commitment issues, copied the miners’ homework. 5.28% up, hitting $420 because of course it did. Someone in the back is giggling at “420” and I respect that. 

If you’ve been holding MSTR since April, congratulations: that $240 is now $420. That’s over 70% up, possibly the first time corporate treasury decisions have looked genuinely punk rock. 

BTC itself recovered over 30% off its April hangover, but MSTR basically went, “Hold my beer,” and did double.

Coinbase’s COIN, though? Less than 1% gain in four days. Basically just texted its investors “k” and ghosted. Apparently, you can’t thrive on mediocre earnings. Someone tell my ex.

But wait, plot twist: SOL Strategies—yes, inventive name—decided to show off. Their stock, CYFRF, leapt 54% since April, sprinting past MSTR’s 44% and BTC’s slightly apologetic 25%. If you had SOL exposure, you’re now both richer and more annoying at cocktail parties.

Apparently, the whole parade was powered by “positive macro updates” (read: the governments played nice), with the US and UK shaking hands and maybe another deal with China hanging in the air. So, for once, your investment returns might hinge on diplomatic small talk. 

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2025-05-10 09:22