Ah, the digital siren song of rebirth! Balaji Srinivasan, once the wizard behind Coinbase’s curtain 🎩🐇, has summoned forth a new crypto epoch. In a video dripping with prophetic gravitas, he dissects our tripartite crypto chronology: the innocent dawn of Bitcoin (2009-2017), the clunky adolescence of programmability (2017-2025), and now-dramatic pause-the “privacy era” (2025 onwards). How avant-garde.
Yes, privacy, that elusive phantom of the blockchain bazaar 🦓. Srinivasan, ever the bard of bytes, claims the next eight years will be a “sardonic ballet” of encryption and anonymity. One wonders if he’s selling utopia or merely a fancier lock for a world that’s already bolted shut.
The three eras of crypto.
Proof of work: 2009-2017
Programmability: 2017-2025
Privacy: 2025-203X– Balaji (@balajis) November 13, 2025 📅✨
On programmability, our oracle croons: “Scaling? Oh, it’s solved.” 🚀 A bold claim, rivaling the delusional optimism of a venture capitalist on three espressos. “Developing nations” apparently adore it-though one suspects their love is born of necessity, not enlightenment.
The narrative arc, he insists, is still unwinding. Programmability’s “original vision” now thrives, like a weed in concrete. But lo! Layer 2 solutions and unresolved “problems” linger. How thrilling.
Flashback: 2009-2017. Bitcoin’s quixotic quest to “work.” Then, 2017-2025: a circus of smart contracts juggling transactions like flaming torches. Now, 2025-2030: privacy takes center stage. Cue the soliloquy on “linking legacy and DeFi worlds.” 🤹♂️💸
Privacy: The New Black?
Enter Charles Hoskinson, Cardano’s poet-laureate, declaring privacy the “next big thing.” 📣 How novel! A carbon-copy refrain from the 2010s altcoin hype. Ethereum killers like Solana? Yesterday’s tabloid headlines. Now it’s all about “privacy-focused blockchains” (Midnight! Zksync!)-those enigmatic vaults of virtue.
In this brave new epoch, every wallet is a fortress and every transaction a whispered secret. Whether it’s utopia or a Ponzi scheme in a trench coat remains… unclear. But do click, dear reader, for the spectacle is gratis. 🎪
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2025-11-13 19:20