Asteroid Alert! MSTR’s Bitcoin Gambit: Cosmic Perils vs. Financial Fiascos 🚀💥

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In the grand drawing room of the financial world, where the air crackles with speculation and the clink of imaginary glasses echoes like a poorly timed short squeeze, one mustn’t let the hoi polloi’s chatter about “bankruptcy” unsettle one’s tea cup. Ki Young Ju, the illustrious CEO of CryptoQuant, has taken it upon himself to remind the gossipy masses that the specter of MicroStrategy’s demise is as plausible as a penguin waltzing at the Savoy. “MSTR goes bankrupt only if an asteroid lands with a thud,” he declared in a missive dated Nov. 20, 2025, adding with the air of a man who’s just spotted a particularly dull guest at a dinner party, “bring a shred of evidence, dear skeptics, and we shall discuss.” The timing, of course, coincided with Bitcoin’s latest bout of jitters, much like a debutante’s nerves before her first waltz.

Now, let us address the elephant in the room-or rather, the convertible notes. Ah yes, those pesky little obligations, which critics claim could force Mr. Saylor to sell his beloved Bitcoin. But Mr. Ju, with the poise of a man who’s just won a high-stakes game of bridge, retorts that such fears are as baseless as a man claiming the moon is made of green cheese. “Convertible debt not hitting its price? It’s merely a cash repayment, not a bankruptcy ball,” he quipped. One might imagine him sipping a martini, smirking at the thought of Twitter’s doomsayers scribbling their apocalyptic tweets.

As for the balance sheet, it is a veritable treasure trove of Bitcoin, akin to a man who’s stashed every last shilling of his fortune in a vault guarded by a very cross dragon. With 649,870 BTC under its belt, Strategy’s finances are as sturdy as a three-legged stool-provided one doesn’t kick the legs. Even at $10,000 per coin, Mr. Ju assures us, the company might shuffle its debts like a well-practiced card player, but it won’t sell a single Bitcoin without the shareholders’ blessing. After all, to do so would be to declare war on the very identity of the company, which is, in the words of Mr. Ju, “a Bitcoin treasury, not a pawn shop.” And who, pray tell, would want to see such a noble institution reduced to hawking trinkets for a few extra bob?

In conclusion, the idea that MicroStrategy will liquidate its Bitcoin is as likely as a polar bear hosting a summer garden party. Unless, of course, an asteroid arrives uninvited. But that, dear reader, is a different story entirely-one involving fireballs and not financial statements. Until then, let us all enjoy the spectacle of the market’s latest melodrama, served with a side of tea and a dash of Wodehousian wit. 🍵✨

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2025-11-21 20:12