Stablecoins: The New Peasantry of AI’s Digital Empire?

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Stablecoins, those paragons of financial constancy, now stride forth as the silent overlords of AI’s burgeoning realm, where Coinbase and its ilk proclaim them as the bedrock of commerce for machines-creatures both wondrous and absurd, yet bound by the chains of code.

Crypto Nobles Stake Their Throats on Stablecoins as AI Serfs March Onchain

The marriage of artificial intelligence and digital coinage, once a farcical notion whispered by madmen, now gallops forward with the vigor of a Cossack horseradish factory. Coinbase’s Brian Armstrong, that modern-day merchant prince, declared on X Feb. 18 that stablecoins shall reign supreme as the currency of AI agents-those tireless, soulless scribes of the future.

“We’re bullish on stablecoins,” he intoned, as if reciting scripture. “They are the best form of money.” One must admire his conviction, even as it reads like a peasant’s trust in the tzar’s latest decree. For what is money but a shared delusion, now dressed in the garb of algorithmic precision?

“I believe stablecoins will be the default payment method for agents,” he proclaimed, “and we’re building the infrastructure to facilitate this.”

On Feb. 11, Coinbase unveiled “agentic wallets”-a marvel of modern engineering, wherein AI agents may spend, earn, and trade with the autonomy of a drunkard at a buffet. Armstrong called it a “key unlock,” though one suspects the real key lies in the pockets of the shareholders. These wallets, he claimed, allow agents to manage funds and execute transactions independently, a step toward a world where machines outstrip humans in fiscal responsibility.

Circle’s Jeremy Allaire, that sly fox of Davos, predicted billions of AI agents would soon conduct economic activity, all lubricated by stablecoins. “The only viable payment system,” he insisted, as if the universe itself had decreed it. Meanwhile, Vitalik Buterin, Ethereum’s bard, envisioned a future where blockchain and AI coalesce into a grand, privacy-preserving utopia-though one wonders if the architects will remember to include plumbing.

FAQ ⏰

  • Why does Brian Armstrong believe stablecoins will power AI agents?
    Because he’s a CEO, and CEOs are paid to believe in things that sound plausible at 3 a.m. after three espressos.
  • What are Coinbase’s agentic wallets designed to do?
    Enable AI to transact onchain autonomously. A feat akin to teaching a parrot to file taxes-impressive, but ultimately pointless.
  • How does Circle view stablecoins in AI-driven commerce?
    As the “only viable payment system,” which is less a prediction and more a plea for market dominance.
  • What role could ethereum play in AI and stablecoins?
    Buterin’s vision is grand: economic coordination, privacy, governance. A digital Garden of Eden-if you ignore the weeds.

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2026-02-20 06:27