In a move that can only be described as a masterclass in bureaucratic zeal, Portugal’s gambling overlord, the SRIJ, has dutifully ordered the shuttering of Polymarket, that nefarious crypto prediction platform which, let’s be frank, was likely having far too much fun with its €110 million worth of bids on the country’s political fate.
It seems our friends in regulatory authority were quite miffed to discover that Polymarket had the audacity to operate without proper authorization – a shocking development in this era where everyone seems to be just winging it! The platform’s alleged illegal foray into political betting has now been duly noted, particularly after a staggering €4 million was wagered mere hours before the electoral results were unveiled. One can only imagine the frantic calls and whispered exchanges behind those closed doors: “Did someone leak the exit polls?”
Ah, the sweet scent of insider trading, wafting through the air along with the echoes of dismay from regulators who, unable to join in the betting fun, are now clutching their pearls in horror. While the rest of us might place our bets on the next big horse race, these officials appear to have placed theirs on maintaining a certain decorum-or, dare I say, an illusion of control.
And thus, the saga of Polymarket draws to a close, leaving behind nothing but a trail of tsk-tsking officials and the forlorn hopes of punters wishing to wager on the whims of democracy. One can only hope that the next time someone attempts to bet on politics, they will have the decency to do so with the proper paperwork in hand, lest they find themselves at the mercy of the SRIJ’s disapproving glare.
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2026-01-20 15:32