Coinbase Flips the Script on Crypto Bill: Banks in a Tizzy! 🤑💥

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Oh, what a kerfuffle! Coinbase has decided to play hardball, leaving the Senate scratching their heads and the banks in a right old pickle. All because of a sneaky little draft that popped up like a nasty surprise in a crackerjack box! 🎩🐍

Well, blow me down! Coinbase has done a runner from the crypto bill party, leaving the Senate with their tails between their legs. Why, you ask? Because some clever clogs slipped in a few dodgy clauses that would make the banks as happy as pigs in muck, while leaving crypto firms and consumers out in the cold. Brrr! ❄️💸

Talks are supposed to start again, but the financial bigwigs and the lawmakers are at each other’s throats like a pair of squabbling siblings. 🥊💼

Coinbase Says “Nope!” to the Crypto Bill – Banks in a Flap!

Old Brian Armstrong, the Coinbase CEO, had a few choice words to say. He reckons the bill’s as useful as a chocolate teapot, favoring banks and giving crypto firms the short end of the stick. In an interview with CNBC, he said regulation shouldn’t be a weapon for the big boys to squash the little guys. Fair’s fair, after all! ⚖️🤑

Apparently, Coinbase and their mates were all chummy with the lawmakers until the last minute, when a late-night draft appeared like a bad penny. After slogging through hundreds of pages, they realized it was more trouble than a barrel of monkeys. 🚨📜

Armstrong said some bits were such a shock, even the folks who’d been in on the talks were left scratching their heads. With the bill being as big as a house and as tricky as a bag of weasels, he reckoned it’d be as irresponsible as letting a toddler loose in a china shop to move forward without changes. So, Coinbase said, “Thanks, but no thanks!” 🙅‍♂️🚫

Crypto Bill Hits the Skids – Thanks a Bunch, Coinbase!

Faster than you can say “jack Robinson,” the Senate Banking Committee canceled their big meeting. Chairman Tim Scott said, “Hold your horses, no new date yet!” The talks were already as shaky as a three-legged stool, and Coinbase’s U-turn just tipped the whole thing over. 😵‍💫🪑

Armstrong warned the bill could’ve been a disaster for Joe Public, calling it “catastrophic” for American consumers. No wonder they and their crypto chums decided to kick up a stink! 🚨🗣️

Here’s what got Coinbase’s goat:

  • Rules that tie crypto firms’ hands while banks waltz off with the goodies. 🏦🙅‍♂️
  • Clauses that could leave consumers with fewer choices than a one-flavor ice cream shop. 🍦😢
  • Wording that squashes competition like a bug under a boot. 🐜👢
  • Bits that could kick crypto services out of the market faster than a dodgy pie at a fair. 🎪🥧
  • No clear rules for innovation, leaving everyone in the dark like a power cut. 🌑💡

But don’t you worry, Armstrong says they’re not trying to stop progress. They just want to get the lawmakers back to the drawing board. He reckons a new draft will pop up soon, and they’ll be back in business in a few weeks. Phew! 🛠️⏳

Crypto Firms Say “No Way!” to Bank-Friendly Stablecoin Rules

The real sticking point? Banks and stablecoins, of course! Armstrong says banks shouldn’t use regulation to squash crypto like a bug. He points out that stablecoins give folks better returns than a traditional savings account – about 3.8%! Now that’s what I call a bargain! 💰✨

He also says stablecoins are a golden opportunity for banks, not a threat. But instead of playing nice, the banks are trying to rig the game. Typical! 🎲🤹‍♂️

Armstrong set the record straight on stablecoins:

  • They’re backed one-to-one, no funny business. 🔒💵
  • Reserves would be in U.S. Treasurys, as safe as houses. 🏛️🇺🇸
  • Consumer funds are always accounted for, no vanishing acts. 🧙‍♂️❌
  • Crypto firms don’t create money out of thin air like banks do. 🪄🚫
  • They should be allowed to offer loans, but with clear rules. 📜✅

Armstrong’s final word? Coinbase would rather have no bill than a bad one. He says the draft could’ve killed off some of their products, and that’s just not cricket! So, they’ve forced the lawmakers to think again. Well done, Coinbase, you’ve stirred the pot good and proper! 🥣🤸‍♂️

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2026-01-18 01:32