Ah, comrades! Another tale of capitalist folly unfolds-this time, a digital highway robbery so brazen it would make even the greediest oligarch blush. š¤ Some slick-fingered rogue has pilfered a staggering $282 million in Bitcoin and Litecoin, swindling victims through a hardware-wallet trickery so cunning, itād make Rasputin proud. Lookonchain, those tireless watchdogs of the crypto streets, barked the news into the void of X.
Moneroās Suspiciously Timely Price Ballet š
And what does our thief do with his ill-gotten gains? Why, he launders them through Monero, that shadowy darling of privacy coins-because nothing says “innocent” like converting stolen loot into untraceable digital whispers. šµļøāāļø Naturally, this grand exchange sent Moneroās price pirouetting from $612 to $717 faster than a drunken sailor on payday. But alas, gravity is a cruel mistress-Monero now limps at $623, down 11.41%, as the market collectively gulps, fearing the thiefās next move.
According to @zachxbt, a victim lost over $282M worth of $LTC and $BTC in a hardware-wallet social engineering scam.
The attacker swapped part of the $LTC and $BTC into $XMR, triggering a sharp spike in $XMR’s price.
The attacker also used #THORChain to swap 818 $BTC($78M) intoā¦
– Lookonchain (@lookonchain) January 17, 2026
Trading volume? Down 29.99%, like a deflated soufflĆ©. The Monero faithful tremble, whispering of impending dumps-because nothing unites crypto enthusiasts like shared panic. Meanwhile, our villain, ever the innovator, dances across chains using THORChain, that decentralized playground for cross-chain mischief. Truly, a modern Prometheus-if Prometheus stole fire and immediately sold it on the dark web. š„
Monero: The Outlawās Favorite Toy š¤
Yet Monero, that rebellious darling, clings to its throne as the 12th-largest crypto, flaunting an $11.54 billion market cap. Even Peter Brandt, that old wolf of Wall Street, couldnāt resist its siren song, boasting of fat profits-proof that crime does pay, if youāre holding the right bag. š
And so, the crypto circus rolls on. Privacy coins, scorned by regulators and adored by anarchists, march forward-whether as tools of liberation or instruments of theft depends on whoās holding the keys. But mark my words, comrades: in this digital Wild West, the only law is the one you can enforce with codeā¦ or a very good lawyer. āļø
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2026-01-17 16:11