Stablecoins Save the Day While Crypto Bigwigs Cry into Their Lattes ☕💸

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Key Takeaways (Because Who Has Time for the Whole Story? 😏):

  • Tether and its stablecoin pals are basically the Beyoncé of crypto right now. 🎤💅
  • Most crypto networks are having a worse month than Bridget Jones’s diary. 📉😭
  • Tron, Hyperliquid, and pump.fun are still slaying, because memes never die. 🚀🤡

Stablecoins are the only ones not sobbing into their soy lattes this month, as the rest of the crypto market decides it’s time for a dramatic slump. 🥴

Cash is Queen, Darlings 👑💸

The latest numbers are in, and surprise, surprise-the “cash layer” of crypto is still the only thing keeping the lights on. Tether is basically the Oprah of stablecoins, raking in $445.7 million this month. You get a dollar! You get a dollar! Everyone gets a dollar! (Except Ethereum, they’re having a moment. 😬)

Tron, the unsung hero of stablecoin transfers, snagged second place with $209.5 million, while Circle trailed closely with $208.1 million. Modest declines? Sure. But they’re still more reliable than your ex’s texts. 💬👻

The Big Boys Are Having a Meltdown 🧊💔

Meanwhile, the high-volume darlings are taking a nosedive. Hyperliquid, the decentralized derivatives hottie, only managed $89 million-down 10%. Still better than most DeFi flops, but ouch. 😣

PancakeSwap? More like PancakeSlump. Revenue dropped 49% to $26.9 million. Someone call the waffle iron, because this flip is not going well. 🥞🙈

MakerDAO’s Sky ecosystem scraped together $34.4 million, while Ethena’s income took a 27% nosedive to $26.9 million. Rough month, guys. Maybe try a spa day? 🧖‍♀️

But wait! There’s a ray of sunshine: pump.fun is up 13.7% to $31.9 million, because apparently meme coins are the only thing keeping crypto alive. 🤡🚀

Layer-1 Chains Are Feeling the Burn 🔥😰

Ethereum, once the prom queen of crypto, saw revenue plummet 55.5% to $7.9 million. Yikes. Someone pass the smelling salts. 🌿😱

Aethir, Phantom, and Lido are also nursing their wounds, with double-digit drops across the board. Network usage? More like network nap time. 😴

Full Revenue Table (Past 30 Days) – Because We Love a Good Spreadsheet 📊:

• Tether – $445.7M (+2.0%)
• Tron – $209.5M (-7.0%)
• Circle – $208.1M (-6.6%)
• Hyperliquid – $89.0M (-10.3%)
• Sky (MakerDAO) – $34.4M (-7.4%)
• pump.fun – $31.9M (+13.7%)
• Ethena – $26.9M (-27.2%)
• PancakeSwap – $26.9M (-48.8%)
• Axiom Trade – $18.4M (-15.2%)
• Aave – $11.9M (-16.7%)
• Aerodrome – $10.7M (-28.8%)
• Phantom – $10.5M (-17.5%)
• Ethereum – $7.9M (-55.5%)
• Aethir – $7.7M (-14.0%)
• Lido – $6.4M (-24.2%)

The Big Picture (Or, What’s Left of It) 🖼️🤷‍♀️

Here’s the tea: stablecoins are the only ones not crying into their crypto wallets right now. Payment chains like Tron and issuers like Tether and Circle are the only reliable profit centers, while DeFi and derivatives are as stable as Mark Darcy’s love life. 💔

As for layer-1 blockchains? Network fees are about as reliable as a London bus in the rain. 🚍🌧️

Disclaimer: This is all just for giggles and educational purposes. Don’t blame us if your crypto portfolio looks like Bridget’s love life. Always do your own research and maybe consult a therapist. 🧠💔

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2025-12-04 11:51