How Strategy’s $21B Fundraiser Turns Heads & Makes Banks Look Tiny

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Ah, the illustrious Strategy! Having managed to raise a staggering $21 billion in 2025-yes, with a ‘B,’ not an error. And all this, darling readers, while sashaying away from conventional funding and twirling into preferred equity like a ballroom dancer at midnight. 🎩💸

Apparently, the art of raising capital isn’t just about numbers; it’s about making everyone else look poor. Last year, they guzzled down $22.6 billion-so close they could taste it-and 2025’s pace is set to eclipse that, cramming even more cash into their digital treasure chest of Bitcoin. No wonder Saylor’s face is practically glued to Twitter; he’s busy convincing the world Bitcoin is the new gold, or so he claims, while the company collects stacks of cash and attractive institutional suitors. 🤑

Money, with a splash of mystery and a dash of preferred elegance

This year, the company’s financial buffet features an exquisite mix-$20.8 billion from a cocktail of common equity, preferred equity, and convertible debt. It’s like a high-society dinner, but with securities. And the preferred equity? That’s the Cinderella slipper-they only started wearing it in 2025 after years of ignoring it. Meanwhile, structured offerings like STRF, STRC, and their kin make a cameo appearance, turning finance into art.

We have raised $21 billion in YTD 2025. $BTC

– Strategy (@Strategy) November 24, 2025

Michael Saylor, the charming bard of Bitcoin devotees, describes Bitcoin as the grand treasury reserve-because who needs gold when you can have blockchain, darling? And while they’ve been raiding markets at this feverish clip, they’re also amassing one of the largest corporate Bitcoin hoards worldwide-proof that play money can be both corporate strategy and a form of modern art.

So, tilt your hat, sip your champagne, and watch as Strategy continues its unabashed quest to turn every dollar into digital-because if you’re not raising billions, are you even trying? Here’s to making old-money look like amateurs. Cheers! 🥂✨

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2025-11-25 10:28