SF Crypto Heist: $11M Gone in a Blink! 🚨💰

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So, picture this: some genius in a fake courier uniform waltzes into a San Francisco home on November 22nd, whips out a gun, and says, “Hand over the crypto or else.” Boom, $11 million in cryptocurrency vanishes faster than my patience at a DMV. 🤦‍♂️ The victim? Tied up like a Thanksgiving turkey. 🎗️

This all went down before 7 a.m. near 18th and Dolores streets in the Mission Dolores area. According to the San Francisco Chronicle, which probably had more details than I care to know. 📰

The guy uses the old “I’ve got a package for you” trick, gets inside, and then it’s like a bad action movie. Gun drawn, tape out, and suddenly he’s demanding wallet passwords. Oh, and he grabs a computer and phone for good measure. Because why not? 🖥️📱

Apparently, this is part of a trend called “wrench attacks.” No, not the tool. It’s when crypto holders get robbed at gunpoint. Charming, right? Jameson Lopp, the guy who tracks this stuff, says there were 61 cases globally in 2025. Up 65% from 2024. So, crypto’s booming, and so is crime. Progress? 🚀🔫

Only verified physical attacks, mind you. No virtual muggings. Yet. 🤖

Recovery? Good Luck! 🍀

David Sehyeon Baek, a cybercrime consultant, says the first 24 to 72 hours are crucial. Cops track devices and try to freeze assets. But let’s be real, once that crypto’s gone, it’s gone. Unless you’re a blockchain wizard, you’re out of luck. 🧙‍♂️

Catching the bad guys? Easier than getting your money back. “The hard truth,” Baek calls it. Ouch. 😬

Delivery Disguises: The New Black 🕶️

This isn’t even original. In the UK, some machete-wielding couriers pulled a similar stunt, making off with $4.3 million. They even took photos of the victim’s door holding a package. Talk about commitment to the bit. 📸

San Francisco police? Radio silence. No word on injuries or arrests. Typical. 🤷‍♂️

So, next time a delivery person shows up, maybe ask for ID. Or just keep your crypto in a shoebox under the bed. Seems safer. 👞📦

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2025-11-24 22:10