El Salvador’s ‘Genius’ Bitcoin ATM Scheme – Will It Crash Before New Year’s? 🚨

Satnotes to drop 500 satoshi banknotes via a community ATM on Jan 1, 2026. Because why not? 🤷♂️

The Satnotes El Zonte Experiment, because everyone needs more crypto in their life, announced a pilot in El Salvador on Nov 6, 2025. Get ready for the first physical bitcoin banknote ATM network-launching Jan 1, 2026, at 00:01 local time. Notes are “backed 1:1 by bitcoin onchain” (because trust is optional) and secured by QR codes, UV strips, and Schnorr signatures. Because obviously, El Salvador’s biggest problem is not having enough layers of complexity. The ATM, located at Bitcoin Beach HQ, dispenses sats with zero fees, no phones, and no seed phrases. Revolutionary? Or a waiting disaster? 🤔

Organizers claim it’s “open-source” (because who doesn’t want to read 209-byte code?) and compliant with El Salvador’s Bitcoin Law. Funding? A Geyser fundraiser ends Nov 30. Printer partners are “under quote” (translation: clueless). And if you’re a local builder, apply for the ATM franchise by Nov 15. Lead John Kosanke calls it “the future of money.” Wow. Let’s hope the future doesn’t end with a fire. The pilot includes 500 notes with backer names (because vanity is eternal) and four “top donors” on the fronts (because hierarchy is so 2025). Code is on Github-because transparency is optional unless you’re a Salvadoran applicant. Good luck with that.

🧭 FAQs (Because No One Actually Knows What This Is)

When will the first note drop? 00:01 on Jan 1, 2026, in El Zonte. Because midnight is clearly the best time to gamble with a nation’s currency. 🕒
How are these notes “secure”? Dynamic QR codes, UV strips, and Schnorr signatures. Because nothing says “trust me” like a tech stack that sounds like a sci-fi villain’s lair. 🔐
Want to build an ATM? Submit a bid by Nov 15. Lifetime ad revenue share included! Because why not turn a beach town into a crypto startup incubator? 🏗️
Fundraising & Compliance? Geyser fundraiser ends Nov 30. Compliance with El Salvador’s Bitcoin Law is “stated” (i.e., someone probably checked a box). 🧾

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2025-11-07 13:18