Altcoins Sucked Dry by Bitcoin Behemoths Forever! 😈💰

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In a world where anticipation for an “altcoin season” bubbles like uncorked champagne at a devilish masquerade, the insidious whispers from the crypto underworld suggest that capital is staging a grand exodus back to old faithful Bitcoin, and the corporate treasury vampires-oh, those treasure-hungry DATs-are mercilessly draining an eye-watering $800 billion from the hapless altcoin realm. Ah, the eternal cycle of the market, folks, twisted into a mockery more absurd than Pilat Pontius at a bazaar! 😂

These Corporate Digital Assets Treasuries, or DATs as the acronym-mongers call them, have performed a heist worthy of Woland himself, siphoning no less than $800 billion of hard-earned retail dough straight from the altcoin coffers, reports the sagelike crypto seers at 10x Research. One might wonder if retail investors are left with naught but crumbs and a sarcastic chuckle. 😏

“Liquidity, momentum, and conviction have absconded to pastures unknown, rendering the altcoin market as silent as a graveyard at midnight,” quipped 10x Research in their devilishly timed blog on Friday. “Our arcane models predict a decisive pirouette back to Bitcoin, while even the fiery Korean retail traders, erstwhile altcoin fanatics, have pivoted to speculating on American crypto stocks like bored magicians switching tricks.” 

“Altcoins have trailed Bitcoin by a whopping $800 billion this merry-go-round-a gap that might’ve fattened retail wallets, but alas, the stars aligned against them,” sighed 10x, noting how the disillusioned masses now scamper for flashier shortcuts to fortune. What a farce! 🚀

Technical sorcery whispers: Capital flees altcoins for Bitcoin’s embrace 💯

Amid the clamor for an impending altcoin fiesta, a cryptic altcoin barometer insists investors are shimmying toward greater Bitcoin indulgence, discarding smaller cryptocurrencies like yesterday’s conjured illusions.

The “technical altcoin model” of 10x Research decrees that crypto gambles are looping back to Bitcoin, proving that the catastrophic $19 billion wipeout in our beloved crypto carnival has shattered the altcoins’ prior verve into smithereens.

“The model’s volte-face to Bitcoin struck just in time-two precarious weeks ere altcoins plummeted into a ravine on October 11, 2025,” proclaimed 10x. And here we are, hoping for seasons that signals scoff at! 🙄

Despite the feverish dreams of altcoin revival, omens abound heralding the antithesis-a veritable Bitcoin bacchanal.

CoinMarketCap’s altcoin season gauge languishes at a paltry 23, stubbornly proclaiming “Bitcoin supremacy” until it dares breach 75-much like awaiting a miracle from an indifferent cosmos. 😜

In a caustic silver lining to this correction’s storm, the wise might spy the $19 billion liquidation debacle as a golden ticket for bargains, perhaps propelling Bitcoin to a dizzying $200,000 by year’s end, opined Geoff Kendrick, Standard Chartered’s digital asset oracle, to CryptoMoon. Because why not bet on the devil you know? 🔥

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2025-10-24 14:33