Coinbase CEO Declares ‘We Are So Close!’-Market Structure Bill on the Brink of Passing?

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In the latest twist of events that could make your grandmother’s retirement savings either cry or rejoice, Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong has declared that the market-structure legislation is “getting close”-which, as everyone knows, means we’re probably about 99% of the way there, right? 🤷‍♂️

Armstrong, who clearly enjoys making bold statements when things are teetering on the edge of happening, claims that both the Republicans and the Democrats are “working hard on the final 10%” of this epic piece of legislation. That’s right, 10%-because who doesn’t like leaving the hardest part to the last minute?

“Both sides are working hard to figure out the final 10%, and we’re getting close,” Armstrong confidently proclaimed, no doubt while sipping a frappuccino in a cozy corner of a Silicon Valley café. He’s hoping-nay, praying-that the bill will make its grand exit from the Senate Committee on Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs by Thanksgiving. Because nothing says “holiday cheer” like legislation that could change everything! 🍗📜

“90% on the Same Page”-And the Other 10%? Who Knows!

In a brief, yet undeniably important, video clip posted on his social media (which likely had a ‘like’ button that went berserk), Armstrong made an appearance that felt eerily like a press briefing from the future. He mentioned attending “some meetings” this morning with both Democrats and Republicans. You know, just some meetings, nothing major. “I’d say that they are 90% on the same page,” he remarked. Well, that’s reassuring. Only 10% of them are still eyeing each other suspiciously like two cats in a box.

Among the lingering issues to resolve-because who doesn’t love a good cliffhanger-Armstrong pointed to decentralized finance (DeFi), which sounds like a futuristic concept invented by people who wear glasses without lenses. He stressed that decentralized intermediaries should be regulated instead of protocols. Whatever that means. 😎

Oh, and let’s not forget about stablecoin rewards-yes, the banking lobby has decided these need to be killed with all the subtlety of a wrecking ball. But let’s not get bogged down with details. Let’s just say it’s “complicated.” 💰💥

Will This Bill Be the Catalyst for a Crypto Boom? Let’s Ask Mike!

During a recent spot on CNBC, Galaxy CEO Mike Novogratz tossed in his two cents (or maybe 5,000 dollars worth) on the matter, suggesting that the eventual passage of this bill could cause cryptocurrency prices to soar like they’ve been shot out of a cannon. 🚀

Novogratz, who clearly has a very positive outlook despite the government shutdown, believes that the bill could pass within the next six weeks. Yes, six. That’s almost a month and a half-plenty of time for the markets to completely implode or achieve new heights of glory. “There’s a bill in D.C. that needs to get passed, hopefully, in the next six weeks…If that does, I think that’ll give crypto a real jolt to the upside,” Novogratz said, possibly while looking at his watch nervously.

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2025-10-23 22:14