Crypto’s New Illusion: Another Coin? 😱

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So, it has come to this. Even the celestial bodies – or at least, those named after them – are not immune to the fever dream of creating… *another* stablecoin. Jupiter, that bustling marketplace of digital bartering on the Solana chain, has declared its intention to mint JupUSD. A name weighty with promise, though one wonders if the weight will be of actual value, or merely the leaden burden of yet another digital token adrift in the boundless sea of crypto.

They say it will be “fully integrated.” Ah, yes, the buzzword of our age. Integrated. As if simply declaring integration will magically imbue the thing with utility. It will, naturally, be used as collateral, a liquidity asset, a base trading pair… the usual incantations. One almost expects a priestly chorus chanting “Decentralization! Yield! Disruption!” with each pronouncement. 🙄

BREAKING: Jupiter is launching its own stablecoin 🥳

Built in partnership with @ethena_labs, engineered to connect the Jupiverse.$JupUSD, going live in Q4.

– Jupiter (🐱, 🐐) (@JupiterExchange) October 8, 2025

And who, pray tell, is backing this grand endeavour? Ethena Labs, purveyors of USDtb, a token backed – and here one holds one’s breath – by *short-term US Treasury assets*. A comforting thought, isn’t it? To entrust one’s digital fortune to the vagaries of government debt. They speak of adding USDe later, for “yield and stability.” Stability achieved through more of the same, naturally. A truly ingenious recursive process. 🧐

Ethena, bless their profit-seeking hearts, offers a “white-label stablecoin-as-a-service.” A neat phrase, isn’t it? Essentially, they are selling the illusion of a bank. A packaged, branded, easily deployable illusion. For a price, of course. They are not philanthropists, after all.

Jupiter wishes to replace $750 million of existing stablecoins with JupUSD. A bold gambit. Like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, one might suggest. But who are we to question the logic of those who build empires on sand?

The Proliferation of Phantoms

And so it continues. White-label stablecoins proliferate like rabbits, each promising the same unwavering peg while subtly siphoning off value. SUI Group has its suiUSDe, North Dakota its Roughrider Coin… The very notion of nation-states issuing their own crypto-enclaves is both ludicrous and deeply unsettling. 🤯

Ethena, Fiserv, Bastion, Stripe… they all offer the tools to conjure these digital mirages. It is becoming almost trivial to create a “coin”. A worrying trend, isn’t it? The ease with which one can now fabricate… *money*. One suspects that the future will be filled with more currencies than stars in the sky, and with just as little intrinsic value. Oh, the humanity!

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2025-10-09 06:46