Bitcoin Bonanza or Financial Fiasco? 🤡💰

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Markets

What to know (if you dare):

  • Metaplanet, in a fit of either brilliance or madness, has vaulted itself into the top five corporate bitcoin hoarders 🏆
  • They’ve snatched up 5,419 BTC for a cool $632 million-because why not? Their total stash now stands at 25,555 BTC. That’s enough to make Scrooge McDuck blush.
  • Not to be outdone, Capital B threw $64 million at 551 BTC-because apparently, everyone’s playing Bitcoin Bingo these days.
  • Shares of both firms? Plummeting like a drunkard down a staircase. Historic peaks? A distant memory. 😬

Metaplanet (3350), in a move that would make even the most reckless gambler pause, has officially overtaken Bullish (BLSH) to become the fifth largest corporate bitcoin holder. Their latest acquisition? A mere 5,419 BTC for $632.53 million-because when you’re playing with Monopoly money, why stop at just a few hundred million?

This purchase, executed at the modest average price of $116,724 per bitcoin (a mere pittance, really), has contributed to a year-to-date bitcoin yield of 395.1% for 2025. Metaplanet now sits atop a mountain of 25,555 BTC, valued at approximately $2.71 billion-assuming, of course, that bitcoin doesn’t decide to take another nosedive into oblivion.

Dylan LeClair, Metaplanet’s head of bitcoin strategy (a title that surely inspires confidence), cheerfully noted that this purchase was “just the first tranche.” Because nothing says stability like announcing you’ve got $1.4 billion more to burn on digital gold. 🚀🔥

Meanwhile, Capital B (ALCPB), not wanting to be left out of the financial circus, acquired 551 BTC for $64.29 million-because if your neighbor jumps off a bridge, you might as well too. Their total bitcoin reserves now stand at 2,800 BTC. Bravo.

And yet, despite these bold maneuvers, both companies find themselves staring at red numbers like a bull at a matador. Bitcoin dipped to $111,700 before weakly clawing its way back to just under $113,000-because nothing says “sound investment” like volatility that could give a rollercoaster motion sickness.

Metaplanet’s shares finished 3% lower at 589 yen, while ALCPB slipped 1% in European trading to 1.14 euro. Both are a far cry from their all-time highs-Metaplanet down 73%, ALCPB down 81%. But hey, who needs profits when you’ve got ✨vision✨?

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2025-09-22 12:04