🤑 Strategy Dodges Another Lawsuit: Bitcoin, Drama, and Zero Chill 🤑

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Oh, honey, grab your popcorn because Strategy (yeah, the Bitcoin hoarder formerly known as MicroStrategy) just slipped out of another shareholder lawsuit like it’s a wet bar of soap. 🎭 Court records show the case-filed by Abhey Parmar and Zhenqiu Chen-was dismissed faster than a bad Tinder date. Claims of fiduciary duty breaches, unjust enrichment, and gross mismanagement? Darling, that’s just Tuesday for them. 💼🔥

And let’s not forget the May lawsuit accusing them of misleading investors about accounting rules. Multiple law firms filing identical suits? Shocking. 🙄 It’s like they’re all fighting over the last slice of pizza at a party no one wanted to attend. These dismissals are as common as Michael Saylor saying “Bitcoin is the future.” (Which, let’s be real, he does. A lot.) 🚀

Bitcoin Hoarding: A Love Story 💘

Strategy, the world’s largest corporate Bitcoin holder, is sitting on 638,460 coins worth a cool $72.5 billion. Yes, you read that right. They ditched their day job selling data analysis software to become a full-time crypto sugar mama. Investors? They’re living vicariously through Strategy’s Nasdaq-listed stock (MSTR). It’s like buying a lottery ticket but with more spreadsheets. 📈✨

Michael Saylor started this Bitcoin obsession in 2020, calling it the “best way to store value.” Since then, their stock has skyrocketed from $14 to $423-a 3026.92% gain. Meanwhile, I’m over here celebrating a 5% discount on my coffee. ☕😭

But wait, there’s more! In 2000, Saylor and his crew settled with the SEC over overstated revenue, paying $11 million in penalties. No admission of wrongdoing, of course. Because who needs accountability when you’re busy stacking Bitcoin? 🤷‍♀️💰

Class Action Suit? More Like Class Dismissed! 🎓✖️

In other news, a class action lawsuit accusing Strategy of false statements about their Bitcoin strategy was voluntarily ended. Pomerantz LLP named Saylor, CEO Phong Le, and CFO Andrew Kang as defendants, citing overstated profits and understated crypto risks. But hey, when your Bitcoin treasury is worth $68.5 billion, who’s counting? (Spoiler: They are. Very carefully.) 📉📈

With shares up 152% in the past year, Strategy is living its best life, dodging lawsuits and stacking sats. Their goal? To be the biggest corporate Bitcoin player. Because why stop at being a giant when you can be a crypto titan? 🦸‍♂️💎

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2025-09-11 12:07