IRS Crypto Queen Bails! 🏃‍♀️💰 Where’d She Go?

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Like a dog chased by taxmen, Trish Turner has bolted from her throne as the IRS’s digital assets overlord-after a whopping three months. Quite the “long-term commitment,” eh?

“After two decades of counting other people’s pennies, I bid adieu to this glorious bureaucracy,” Turner declared on LinkedIn, with all the sincerity of a used car salesman. “Together, we wrestled with spreadsheets, invented new ways to annoy crypto bros, and slapped the IRS logo on things until they looked official.”

Private Sector or Witness Protection? 🤔

Where next? Turner remained coy, cryptically hinting at “building bridges”-likely the kind that lead straight to a cushy industry paycheck. Bloomberg whispered that she’s fleeing to “Crypto Tax Girl,” a firm that sounds either like a superhero or a questionable OnlyFans side hustle.

Laura Walter, Crypto Tax Girl’s founder, cheered: “With the IRS breathing down everyone’s neck, we needed someone who knows how to dodge… er, navigate regulations.”

Turner’s exit follows Raj and Seth-her predecessors-who also vanished faster than a Bitcoin in a bear market. Economist Timothy Peterson observed: “She’s gone full Palpatine-to-Luke. Welcome to the Rebellion, Trish.”

Meanwhile, in Tax Hell 🔥

The DOGE (yes, that’s its real name 🐶) wants to axe IRS jobs, because nothing says “efficiency” like fewer people chasing your undeclared NFTs. Meanwhile, Congress is finally hustling to slap rules on crypto-only five years late, guys!

Inspectors general are clutching pearls over the IRS’s “repeated failures.” Shocking! And Trump killed a DeFi reporting rule because, let’s be honest, nobody understands DeFi anyway-least of all the IRS.

CryptoMoon slid into Turner’s DMs. She left us on read. Typical.

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2025-08-23 07:57