Saylor’s Bitcoin Bet: Rules Shift, Premium Plummets! 💸

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Oh, the grandeur of Michael Saylor’s Bitcoin empire! Behold, the man who once danced with the devil of stock markets now finds himself in a most peculiar waltz, as the sacred 2.5x margin-his holy grail-crumbles like a poorly baked shtik (or is it a shtick?) under the weight of mere market whims 🐄.

Once, Saylor vowed to shun the sale of common shares, preferring the ethereal glow of perpetual preferred stock. But alas, the fickle winds of finance have blown his plans askew, and now Strategy Inc. boasts of selling shares “when otherwise deemed advantageous”-a phrase as vague as a Russian winter’s forecast 🧊.

Back in July, the company declared it would not sell shares if their price dipped below 2.5 times Bitcoin’s value, a covenant as unyielding as a Tsar’s decree. Yet here we are, in August, where even the most steadfast rules bend like reeds in a storm 🌬️.

This 2.5x “mNAV premium,” Saylor’s golden ticket to raise funds and hoard Bitcoin at bargain prices, now lies in tatters. “When advantageous,” the company sighs, as if conceding to the inevitable: the market is a fickle lover, and Saylor’s heart is but a pawn 🃏.

“The additional language,” quoth Brian Dobson, “allows the company to be more opportunistic.” Op-PORT-UN-IST-IC? A word so grand, it could describe a Tsar’s feast or a stock’s desperate plunge 🎭.

And lo, the company’s Bitcoin purchases have dwindled, like a candle in a hurricane. 430 coins for $51.4M? A pittance compared to the glory days! Now, Strategy’s vaults hold $72B in Bitcoin, yet its pace? Slower than a peasant’s plow in the mud 🚜.

Meanwhile, its stock lags behind Bitcoin like a dachshund chasing a hare. Since November, shares have nosedived 22%, while Bitcoin’s flame soars 23%-a tale as old as time, where the “smart money” bets on the wrong horse 🐴.

Short-seller Jim Chanos, ever the prophet of doom, scoffs: “Not only did $MSTR buy just $51M of Bitcoin, but Saylor’s lowered the 2.5x floor!” A revelation as shocking as a ghost in a Kremlin corridor 👻.

Yet Strategy remains silent, its lips sealed tighter than a Cossack’s belt. From humble software maker to Bitcoin titan, its journey is a saga of ambition and folly, a tale fit for Gogol’s own pen-where every triumph is a tragedy, and every tragedy a farce 🎭.

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2025-08-19 01:04