Crypto’s Banker Backyard Brawl: Debanking, Drama & a Side of ChokePoints đŸš©đŸ’ž

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Oh, the sweet aroma of promise and betrayal. Crypto companies-those digital Davids-constantly shadowboxed with banks who would rather shut them out than let them play. Call it de-risking, call it “Operation ChokePoint 2.0”-basically the banking world’s version of hiding from your crazy ex after a breakup. And apparently, it’s still happening, like those bad relationships that just won’t end. đŸ„±

Remember when Trump’s crypto-loving crew thought they’d kickstart a new era? Politicians waving crypto flags, promising sunshine and rainbows? Well, hold onto your hardware wallets, because it seems the banking industry is still deep in its “let’s make it hard” mood. Last week, Alex Rampell threw out the word “Chokepoint 3.0”-because why not keep adding sequels to this saga? Now, banks are jacking up fees and playing gatekeeper for platforms like Coinbase and Robinhood. Lovely. 💰đŸšȘ

And then, there’s poor Unicoin’s boss, Alex Konanykhin, who’s been living the crypto version of “Framed and Forsaken.” Close your eyes and imagine this: Banks drop the mic, cut ties, and ghost companies without even a “byyourleave.” Five banks, no explanations-Candyman style. Yet, they’re keeping mum when touched on for comment. Maybe they’re just busy upgrading their “We Don’t Like Crypto” stance. 😅

Nationwide, or just the bank’s favorite word-“Oops”?

Turns out, it’s not just a few rogue banks-nope, it’s a whole nationwide mess. Four banks dumped Unicoin this year alone, which, depending on how conspiracy-y you want to get, looks suspiciously like “Operation Chokepoint 3.0” on steroids. The war on crypto is so disruptive it’s practically a banking soap opera, and the industry’s stuck in the middle trying not to drown in red ink. đŸŠđŸš«

But wait! Enter Trump’s shiny new executive order, promising to crack down on these banking bullies. Think of it as Uncle Sam finally telling the bankers, “Hey, cut the crap.” It’s about reviewing complaints, making banks reinstate those curious folks who got ghosted unjustly. Maybe, just maybe, the old boss with the big hair remembers what it felt like to be cut off-he’s got a real chip on his shoulder about this. đŸ§“đŸ’„

Could this be the kick in the pants crypto needs to regain its mojo? Trump’s got stars in his eyes, imagining a U.S. crypto renaissance so big even Hollywood might warn about the competition. Silicon Valley, eat your heart out-the U.S. might *finally* get its digital groove back. Stay tuned, folks; it’s either comeback or collapse, and I for one prefer a comeback. 🎬🚀

Regulation roulette: Will the rules save or sink us?

Meanwhile, Liz Blickley at Fox Rothschild is sitting at the regulation poker table, betting that the final hand is still hidden. The new laws are like that mystery meat at the buffet-probably fine, but you don’t really know until it’s too late. The Genius Act stuck a 180-day timer on sorting out crypto rules, but considering how slow Congress moves, you might as well be waiting for a snail to run a marathon. 🐌

The sad truth? Most bills get stuck in committee limbo, doomed to gather dust while lawyers and lobbyists duke it out. Even if the rules eventually get written, they’ll have so many loopholes and word-plays, you’ll need a legal translator just to understand what’s legal and what’s not. Risk-averse banks will cling to their caution like a security blanket until the “crypto risk=less” formula is crystal clear. The war on crypto might just be a fancy way of saying, “We’re scared, so we’ll wait.” 🧐

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2025-08-10 14:47