Coinbase CEO’s Hilarious Take on BBB’s A+ Rating: You Won’t Believe It!

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Ah, dear reader! Gather ’round as we unveil the latest spectacle from the grand stage of cryptocurrency! Our protagonist, the illustrious Brian Armstrong, CEO of Coinbase, has taken to the digital skies to announce a most splendid achievement: an A+ rating from the Better Business Bureau! 🎉

In a tweet that could rival the finest soliloquies, Armstrong extolled the virtues of his Customer Experience team, those tireless souls toiling away in the shadows, striving to elevate the company’s customer service to celestial heights. “The Customer Experience team at Coinbase has been working hard to improve our scores,” he proclaimed, as if he were a proud father at a school play. “And lo! We have finally hit an A+ rating with the Better Business Bureau!” Bravo! 👏

But wait! Our hero did not stop there. He waxed poetic about the importance of enhancing the customer experience, as if it were the very essence of life itself. “As we manage a larger part of people’s financial lives,” he mused, “it is critical we keep improving here. Still lots to do on improving support…” Ah, the noble quest for perfection! 🏰

“If you have to contact support, we’ve probably already made a mistake upstream somewhere,” he quipped, a touch of sarcasm dancing in his words. Acknowledging the occasional blunders, he demonstrated a commitment not merely to reactive support but to proactive improvements, as if he were a knight slaying the dragons of customer complaints before they even arise! 🐉

– Brian Armstrong (@brian_armstrong) August 6, 2025

In a twist worthy of a grand comedy, Coinbase has also unveiled its latest creation: the Embedded Wallets tool! This marvel, born from the Developer Platform (CDP), promises to make wallet integration as easy as pie-if only pie were a bit more technologically advanced! 🥧

Coinbase announces proposed private offering

And lo! The plot thickens! Coinbase is raising a staggering $2 billion from the sale of convertible bonds, joining the ranks of other cryptocurrency-focused companies in this audacious endeavor. What a time to be alive! 💰

According to the latest proclamation, the largest U.S. crypto exchange intends to use the proceeds to potentially repurchase stock and redeem outstanding debt. A most strategic move, indeed!

With a flourish, Coinbase’s convertible offering follows a recent surge in deals, with a jaw-dropping $51.9 billion raised through equity-linked instruments in the United States this year. Truly, the stage is set for a grand performance!

These bonds, dear audience, are being marketed in two tranches, with a 0% coupon due in 2029 and 2032. The bonds due in 2029 are offered with a conversion premium of 50% to 55%, while the seven-year tranche in 2032 boasts a premium of 30% to 35%. A veritable feast for the financial connoisseur! 🍽️

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2025-08-06 14:51