How BitMine Grabbed Ethereum’s Crown in 35 Days—And May Gobble Up Crypto Land Next 🤠💰

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Well now, let me tell you a tale fit for steamboat gossip: BitMine Immersion, a company with grit thicker than Mississippi mud, decided to go a-courtin’ with Ethereum. In the blink of an eye—or, to be precise, five weeks, which is about as much patience as a frog in a frying pan—they packed away 833,137 ETH, a stash currently ringing up near $2.9 billion. That’s enough ETH to make a prospector weep and the rest of us wonder what we’ve been doing with our lives (other than losing socks in the wash, probably).

  • BitMine Immersion has done lassoed up more Ethereum than any other corporate varmint—833,137 ETH, to be exact, sold for $2.9 billion, and done it in just 35 days. If that ain’t a gold rush, I don’t know what is.
  • Folks bought BitMine stock so fast you’d think it came with free land and a mule. The trading stampede rivaled big shots like Uber. Wall Street cows were officially out of the barn.

BitMine waved a press release around on August 4th like a riverboat gambler showing a royal flush: 833,137 ETH locked in their chest, more than any other suit-and-tie, neckbeard, or hedge fund worldwide.

To put it in terms anybody with a memory of the Great Flood can understand, since late June, BitMine has shovelled in almost 24,000 ETH a day. At these prices, that’s a mighty 0.7% of all Ethereum ever wrangled. Their big brass ring? To manage 5% of Ethereum’s whole shooting match. Next thing you know, they’ll be selling elixirs that cure baldness too.

“BitMine moved with lightning speed in its pursuit of the ‘alchemy of 5%’ of ETH growing our ETH holdings to over 833,000 from zero 35 days ago,” said Thomas Lee, a fellow prone to measuring time in heartbeats, and cash in dump truck loads. “We’ve left our crypto treasury rivals wheezing back there with the tumbleweeds.”

Why BitMine’s Betting the Farm on Ethereum

It seems BitMine’s got a hankering for staking, believing it’ll soon pay better than a riverboat’s poker table. Chairman Thomas hollered in the press release that staking could turn their earnings from meager to mighty, just like a certain Mr. Michael Saylor’s Bitcoin escapade—only with less laser eyes on Twitter.

The investors apparently agree, piling into BitMine stock (BMNR) like folks rushing a saloon at happy hour. Over the last five days, they’ve seen $1.6 billion in average daily volume, which is enough to get the attention of even the laziest catfish—and neck-and-neck with big city companies like Uber.

Of course, every good stampede needs a few rich gamblers. Peter Thiel’s posse grabbed 9.1% of the company, and Cathie Wood’s ARK Invest has been stacking shares quicker than a squirrel after an espresso. ARK snapped up $17 million more BMNR stock just last week, after buying $20 million a few days before, and tossing in another $182 million a week earlier—if there’s a sale on BitMine stock, ARK’s at the register with all the coupons.

Meanwhile, SharpLink—BitMine’s nearest rival in this Ethereum hoarding rodeo—holds a measly 480,031 ETH, worth $1.65 billion. Bless their hearts, they even tried to keep up by snatching another $54 million worth on August 3. Still, in these parts, second place don’t get you a parade.

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2025-08-04 16:36