ARK Invest Buys Crypto Stocks While Wall Street Drowns 🚤💸

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Lo and behold, when Wall Street’s steamboat hit the rocks, Ark Invest sprang into action like a barn cat after a mouse. Trade disclosures reveal they splurged on 94,678 Coinbase shares—$30 million worth—slapping them into three ETFs: ARKK, ARKW, and ARKF. A veritable treasure trove for crypto optimists, or as I call it, “the old ‘buy low, sell higher’ routine with a side of hubris.”

But mark my words, Coinbase’s stock took a nosedive so steep it’d make a bald eagle blush—plummeting 16.7% to $314.69. That’s a 52-week low so pitiful, even the stock market’s janitor wouldn’t spit on it. Earlier in the week, ARKW had been unloading 18,204 shares like they were expired herring. Now they’re back, playing the hero with a wallet full of hope.

The firm also threw $17 million at BitMine Immersion Technologies (BMNR), netting 540,712 shares just as BMNR’s stock sank 8.55% to $31.68. Talk about buying the dip! BitMine’s now hoarding 625,000 ETH, which makes it the “Ethereum king of the hill,” according to some clever folks at StrategicEtherReserves. A midlife crisis with blockchains, perhaps?

This whole shenanigan unfolded while the Dow, S&P 500, and Nasdaq all took a dirt nap. Jobs data? Weak as a wet noodle. Only 73,000 new jobs in July—enough to fill a small opera house. Bankers and industrialists? They’re now dancing the jig of despair, all because the economy’s slowing down faster than a Mississippi steamboat in a rainstorm.

The information herein is purely for entertainment, like a tall tale by the fire. Coindoo.com does not advise you to bet your farm on crypto or ETFs. Consult your own financial soothsayer before risking a red cent. 🎩🔮

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2025-08-02 22:07