Oh, Coinbase: Thrills, Misses, and a Dash of Drama!

by

My dear spectators, gather round as we recount the latest act in the Coinbase saga. In Q2 2025, our darling enterprise managed to muster a sumptuous $1.5 billion in revenue—a paltry 3.3% uptick from yesteryear, yet a rather lamentable 26% tumble from the previous quarter. One can only sigh as lower retail activity casts a gloomy shadow over the proceedings. 😏

  • A year-over-year rise of 3.3% to $1.5B, yet the prognosticators were left bitterly disappointed.
  • Retail trading proved as languid as a Sunday matinee, while stablecoin revenue spruced things up with a sprightly 12% climb to $332M.
  • And lo! Coinbase has grandiose plans to waltz into the exotic realms of RWA, derivatives, and token sales. How thrilling!

According to its July 31 shareholder letter, the company’s earnings per share were announced at a mere $0.12—oh, how far from the buoyant estimate of $1.19! One might call it less a revelation and more a polite, if rather underwhelming, nod to expectation. 🙄

Despite a modest year-over-year revenue bump, the performance fell short across several key arenas. Retail trading volume reached only $43 billion, shy of the anticipated $48.05 billion, while total trading volume stood at a rather robust $237 billion. One must commend the effort, even if the numbers don’t quite sing.

Stablecoin revenue supports growth

Our subscriptions and services revenue did manage a 9% increase year-over-year to $655.8 million, buoyed by the stalwart performance of stablecoin income. In fact, stablecoin revenue alone soared 12% from Q1 to $332 million, thanks to a rather lucrative revenue-sharing deal with Circle—the issuer of the ever-popular USD Coin (USDC). And, for what it’s worth, Coinbase keeps a full 100% of revenue on USDC held on its platform and about 50% from USDC activity elsewhere. How utterly delightful! 😏

Yet, overall subscription and services revenue fell a touch short of the analytical chorus’s expectations of $705.9 million. Meanwhile, blockchain revenue within this segment dropped a disheartening 22% from a year ago to $144.5 million, though other subscription income rose nearly 72%. Such a rollercoaster, isn’t it?

Retail activity slows ahead of new product push

While institutional trading volume of $194 billion gallantly beat estimates, our dear retail trading—usually the darling of profit—lagged behind, reminiscent of a debutante who’s lost her enthusiasm. This slowdown followed Q1’s more exuberant performance, as investor attentions seemingly pivoted from the crypto realm to the ever-so-engaging world of tariffs and policy headlines in Washington. How very British, indeed! 😏

Following the results, Coinbase shares stumbled 6% in extended trading—a little faux pas, perhaps. But let us not despair, for the stock still boasts a year-to-date increase of over 50%, outperforming the S&P 500, which, for the record, it joined in May. One does wonder what the future holds.

Looking ahead, our enterprising firm plans to broaden its consumer offerings with a flourish. The company announced it will soon launch tokenized real-world assets, derivatives, prediction markets, and early-stage token sales on its app—starting with the ever-enthusiastic U.S. users. One can only imagine the excitement, or perhaps the inevitable drama that awaits. 😉

Read More

2025-08-01 06:10