You Won’t Believe What Saylor Did as Bitcoin Hit $112,000—Violin Not Included!

In the foggy confusion of our time, where fortunes leap higher than government taxes and everyone’s uncle has a crypto wallet, appeared the perpetually illuminated figure of Michael Saylor (may his bullishness never deflate). Once again, this noble patrician of digital doubloons, officially known as Executive Chairman of Strategy (which in the distant yesteryears was called MicroStrategy, but we do not speak of the past unless it’s to inflate present valuations), has regaled his followers with another of his cryptic symphonies on X, a site for public confessions and memes.

It all happened as Bitcoin’s price, like a particularly stubborn Russian ghost, refused to stay buried after its most recent all-time high. Alas, markets rebound faster than my aunt from her fifth marriage.

A Tweet, a Symphony, and Saylor’s Fantasia in ₿ Major 🎻

There, in pixelated glory, Saylor conducts his AI-generated orchestra—not with a baton, but with a violin, orange tie gleaming, eyes gazing vacantly at the promise of $1 million per coin. The tweet, a masterpiece for the modern age, declares in a flourish: “Symphony in ₿ Major.” One suspects that even Beethoven, had he been paid in Bitcoin, might’ve written ₿-erlioz.

Why, who should appear but Simon Gerovich, the unsung Pushkin of the price charts, chiming in with the poetic review: “Music to my ears.” If only all finance were so lyrical—or at least provided intermissions for snacks.

Of course, no tale in modern Russia, nor Twitter, is complete without a duel of numbers. Strategy brandishes nearly 600,000 BTC worth a sum so vast it could pay off my neighbor’s gambling debts ($66,535,620,000, to be precise). Metaplanet, Gerovich’s proud vessel, hoards 15,550 BTC and now stands amongst the chosen few—the great whales, the czars of coins, the panic-inducing “top-5.”

But wait! The plot thickens like stale borscht. Metaplanet now dreams of amassing a trove of these gleaming digital rubles, only to swap them—like a clever Gogol character—for a “cash-generating business” (surely something more lucrative than selling mushrooms at the roadside). Whispers on the trade wind say they may acquire a digital bank in Japan. Japan! Where the cherry blossom petals are pink, and the banks, one hopes, are slightly more solvent.

And so, gentle reader, next time your grandmother inquires about Bitcoin, just show her this tale. Or, failing that, hand her a violin and an orange tie and let her conduct her own symphony of speculation. 🎻₿💸

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2025-07-10 16:42