Bitcoin Shatters Boredom and Records: $112K, Liquidations, and the Spectacle of Crypto

Imagine, reader, a serpentine summer movement, a ballet set to the whirring nerves of the digital appetite; for weeks, Bitcoin had been performing the most tedious of waltzes, a pecuniary minuet between $105,000 and the brooding, recalcitrant $110,000—impossibly close, yet infuriatingly remote, like Proust’s madeleine on the far side of a glass case.

And then—oh, how the crypto gods snicker!—BTC soared, with the unconcern of a debutante vaulting over fences at twilight, straight into a breathless all-time high of $112,000. Cue a stage-right procession of altcoins, eager to imitate Big Brother, and in so doing, detonating a piñata of $500 million in liquidations across a multitude of unfortunate traders. (Somewhere, someone’s pet hamster is being consulted for investment advice. Again.)

Recall now, in the rearview mirror smeared with Bitcoin Pizza grease, that May 22’s exaltation (the ever-tiresome “Bitcoin Pizza Day”) proved, in Nabokovian twist, merely prologue: soon after, the price waltzed downward, tumbling to a lachrymose $98,000 as the distant thrum of the Iran-Israel conflict obligingly lent ballast to the drama.

But lo, the bulls, those incorrigible optimists in pinstriped armor, staged what the French would call a coup de théâtre. Bitcoin, shrugging off crises like a particularly aloof aristocrat, scampered up past $100,000 and—importantly—has been conspicuously absent from the five-digit class reunion for over a fortnight. New friends only in six figures.🥂

July tiptoed in: ambivalent, contemplative, like a cat considering whether boredom or the drapes offer more amusement. Just as speculators’ ennui reached a fever pitch, Bitcoin dashed expectations (along with thousands of short-sellers’ hopes) and leapfrogged the languid $110,000 barrier. $112,000 on Bitstamp—verified, notarized, and, one must imagine, triggering a conga line in certain glass-ensconced trading pits.

Dear reader, invest—or at least spectate—responsibly. The next twist may very well be written by Dostoevsky’s poker-faced cousin.

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2025-07-09 23:07