You Won’t Believe What The UAE Said About Buying Residency With Toncoin! 🪙🦄

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If you’ve recently spotted an ad promising you a shiny Golden Visa to the UAE in exchange for simply, oh, staking $100,000 in Toncoin—congratulations! You’ve fallen for what experts call “creative fiction,” or as the rest of us put it, “absolute nonsense with extra blockchain.”

In a rare exercise of united governmental eyebrow-raising, the distinguished triad comprising the Federal Authority for Identity, Citizenship, Customs and Port Security (try fitting that on a business card), the Securities and Commodities Authority, and the Virtual Assets Regulatory Authority politely buried those rumours six feet under via an official message on July 6. Apparently, passing around Toncoin like sweets at a wizard’s convention does not, in fact, conjure instant UAE residency. Who knew? 🧙‍♂️

See, the hallowed Golden Visa is reserved for the UAE’s pick of the crop—scientists devising clever gadgets, students who remember a disturbingly large amount of facts, entrepreneurs with more ideas than common sense, and real estate magnates. Crypto folks? Well, stand behind the velvet rope, please, and don’t touch anything.

VARA—yes, that one—took a moment to clarify that Toncoin is not authorized or regulated as your golden ticket to Dubai. So if you’re intent on acquiring residency by staking tokens, you’d better hope one day digital goats are accepted as legal tender. Meanwhile, maybe just check the government website. Or read a book. Or two. 📚

This clarification was prompted by the TON Foundation announcing what might have been the most creative “special offer” since snake oil: ten years of UAE bliss for staking $100,000 in Toncoin (plus a $35,000 “sorry, processing fee not included in the miracle” surcharge), with yearly returns and family access tossed in like an infomercial bonus set of knives. But alas, this dazzling package had the official endorsement of exactly zero federal entities.

For reference, the legitimate path to a Golden Visa is to part ways with a whopping AED 2 million (that’s around $540,000), so this offer was, let’s say, “suspiciously affordable.” Detractors have pointed out that its main feature appears to be boosting token utility (for someone) far more than transporting you to a sunny Dubai rooftop. Meanwhile, that processing fee—let’s just say the only thing it’ll guarantee is someone else’s happiness.

The agencies kindly suggested that before emptying your wallet (or your hopes), try using official resources to check your facts. Because, as it turns out, putting your faith in random online schemes has been known to lead to the sort of trouble usually reserved for Discworld wizards and people who skip insurance on flying carpets. 🪄✨

So, while the UAE remains enthusiastic about the whole blockchain thing, you’ll have to settle for collecting digital goats or NFTs—Golden Visas are still reserved for actual accomplishments, not for staking coins and wishing very hard.

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2025-07-07 10:08