This Japanese Company Bought So Much Bitcoin, Even Tesla’s Blushing đŸ€Ż

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If you ever find yourself sittin’ round wonderin’ who’s cornered more digital gold, let me tell you a whopper: Metaplanet, a firm out of Japan, just outdid them CleanSpark fellas by shovelin’ $108 million into Bitcoin. That’s right—they’re now sittin’ pretty as the fifth-largest corporate hodler of Bitcoin, and I do declare, they probably need an extra strong safe—and a fainting couch for Cleanspark.

They’re clutchin’ onto 13,350 BTC, which they scraped up for about $1.31 billion—give or take a few misplaced coins found in couch cushions. Payin’ close to $97,832 per Bitcoin, they now have a hoard worth $1.45 billion at today’s price. Their accountant is probably sweating through his third handkerchief.

Meanwhile, CleanSpark—the mining crew—only has 12,502 BTC. BiTBO says so, and BiTBO ain’t been wrong enough to be right yet. Look over yonder, Metaplanet’s overtaken big names like Tesla, Hut 8, Coinbase, and Block Inc. I’d say competition’s got them all grinching like a possum eatin’ a sweet potato.

CEO Simon Gerovich, whose job description now officially includes “BTC dragon,” says their latest haul cost them a tidy $107,601 per coin. Year-to-date, the return sits at a jaw-dropping 349%. I can only hope their hats still fit.

$208 Million in Bonds—Because Paper Is Cheaper Than Bitcoin

This caper gets better: after spending like a prospector in a gold rush, Metaplanet decided to shuffle some bonds to fund more hoardin’. They hollered that they’re issuing 30 billion yen (~$208 million) in 0% bonds—yes sir, interest-free!—from the EVO vault for more Bitcoin. “Invest in Bitcoin,” they said. “You’ll feel richer than a riverboat gambler,” they implied.

Oh, and they’re buying back and burnin’ the old third series bonds worth $12 million that used to pay out a fat 0.36%. Looks like the only thing paying interest now is their CEO’s heart rate. The disclosure said some of them new bond funds go to this buyback, and the rest goes straight into the Bitcoin cookie jar.

Metaplanet Stock: More Soaring Than an Overcaffeinated Crane 📈

Not much for pacing themselves, earlier this month Metaplanet set a new target—hoarding 100,000 Bitcoin by 2026, bumping their goal up from 21,000. And if that wasn’t bold enough, they say they’re aiming for a $5.4 billion haul to pick up 210,000 Bitcoin by 2027. If things hold, they’ll be runner-up only to Satoshi’s ghost.

The market took notice—Metaplanet shares leapt up by 9% in Japan on Monday. Since the top of 2025, the stock’s up 350%, which means their shareholders might be able to afford more than instant noodles this year.

Saylor’s Chicken-Little Routine

Elsewhere, Strategy’s Michael Saylor done dropped another cryptic nugget on the weekend—he flashed his Bitcoin tracker (again), which usually means he’s about to haul in more coins come Monday.

“In 21 years, you’ll wish you’d bought more,” he cackled, probably to his reflection in a Bitcoin-shaped mirror. And Metaplanet’s Gerovich retorted, “We buy every day. And still, I know I’ll look back wishing we had moved even faster.” A race to buy pixel money—you can’t make this stuff up, folks. đŸȘ™đŸš€

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2025-06-30 09:12