Will Bitcoin Soar to $13 Million? Saylor’s 2045 Prophecy Will Blow Your Mind! 🚀

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In the shadowed corridors of greed and hope, Michael Saylor emerges, a modern Prometheus clutching the glowing ember of Bitcoin’s future. Ever so confident, he dares to proclaim that this digital gold will, come 2045, average a mind-boggling 30% annual return—transforming a modest coin into a $13 million titan. Yes, dear reader, you heard right, $13 million per Bitcoin! And all without the faintest whisper of a smile, as if predicting the downfall of empires—because, of course, why not? 😉

He’s not just spouting dreams on CNBC, oh no. Strategy, his noble vessel, is preparing to summon nearly a billion dollars through a daring IPO of preferred stock—yielding 10%, mind you. The purpose? To buy more Bitcoin, naturally, because hoarding digital currency is the new raison d’ĂȘtre. The fun part? These aren’t your usual fleeting investments. No, these are perpetual preferreds—like eternal life for money—no maturity, no refinancing worries, just… endless waiting, much like our patience dealing with the world’s folly.

“We’re offering fixed USD yield and converting it into BTC performance,” Saylor claims, with the fervor of a preacher. “It’s a low-risk, scalable way to create a long-duration balance sheet backed by Bitcoin.”

Numbers, or Numerical Nonsense?

The man’s got figures—he swears by them. He says that Strategy’s recent preferred issues are crushing the market, with returns soaring up to 29%, while the rest of the financial world remains stagnant—dead as a doornail. Truly, a spectacle of modern finance: where numbers dance and investors cling to hope like drowning men clutching at straws.

But let us no be distracted by mere figures. Saylor’s vision is grander—regulatory clarity, institutional acceptance, accounting rules, ETF hype—all aligning like planets in a celestial ballet. And the supply? Hm, only 450 BTC are mined each day—worth about $45 million—and all quickly gobbled up by ETFs and treasuries. It’s a squeeze, a squeeze that could crush the very soul of the average man.

And what of truth? Our hero, Saylor, once criticized for resisting on-chain proof-of-reserves, now points with righteous indignation that Strategy’s Bitcoin holdings are audited by KPMG—ha!—and they’re even exploring zero-knowledge proofs, those clever tricks that keep secrets safe while still pretending honesty exists in this chaos. Well, isn’t that some show? 🎭

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2025-06-06 18:49