Bankers Say, “Hold My Coffee, SEC! We Don’t Want Your Cyber Panic Buttons! ☕🚨”

In a move straight out of a Mel Brooks comedy, five big shot US banking groups—led by none other than the American Bankers Association—are whining louder than a distressed robot, begging the SEC to *please* stop forcing them to spill the beans about cyber screw-ups. Because who needs transparency when you can just pretend everything’s fine? 🤡💻

They’re crying that this cybersecurity “disclosure” rule is a real hoot—confusing everyone, making hush-hush reporting impossible, and turning cybersecurity into a game of “Who Blabs First?” Meanwhile, hackers are using those very disclosures to extort companies faster than a con man selling a Brooklyn Bridge. 🕵️‍♂️💰

And let’s not forget their special request: remove “Item 1.05” from the fancy SEC forms—because investors don’t need to know about those pesky cybersecurity hiccups—who needs transparency when you can sell the illusion of security? 🎭

Oh, but it gets better—cryptocurrency companies like Coinbase are in the crosshairs, faced with lawsuits after revealing a phishing attack. They refused to cut a $20 million check to hackers—good for them! But if the SEC’s “tell all” rule gets the ax, these companies could take longer to admit their flubs, saving jobs, lawsuits, and possibly even the company itself. Talk about a real-life soap opera—except with more money and fewer mustaches! 🥸💸

Sure, more delays mean fewer outraged shareholders, but who cares about transparency when you can have chaos, confusion, and a good laugh? As Mel Brooks would say, “It’s good to be the king,” or at least, it’s good when you’re the one hiding the skeletons in the closet! 😂🔒

2025-05-26 12:56

Bankers Rebel: SEC’s Cyber Rules Are a Scam! 😱😂

Bankers Say, “Hold My Coffee, SEC! We Don’t Want Your Cyber Panic Buttons! ☕🚨”

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