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You Won’t Believe What These Crypto Thieves Tried at Paraguay’s Hydro Power Plant!

BBG News

In a plot that could only be outdone by the most ludicrous heist movie, Paraguayan authorities have deported three would-be crypto miners and arrested one for attempting to nab crypto miners at a top-secret facility near the famed Itaipu hydroelectric dam. Yes, you read that right, crypto miners stealing crypto miners. Truly, the level of irony is almost self-aware.

On May 15, Paraguayan prosecutor Irene Rolón (who, by the way, sounds like the name of someone who gets the last slice of pizza at a party) announced that the gang of miscreants was caught red-handed attempting to break into the high-security Teratech SA facility in Coronel Bogado. Predictably, they were arrested almost immediately, likely because they were trying to be sneaky with all the subtlety of a rhinoceros in a library.

Now, according to the legal eagle Rolón, it’s possible that the group of three deported individuals – Jinping Duan, Tian Jianyun, and Zheng Guanglong – had some sort of *business* relationship with Teratech as independent contractors. Still, it’s all a bit murky at the moment. Maybe they were “programmers,” or maybe they were just programmers who liked to *borrow* things. Teratech’s CEO is apparently being so tight-lipped about it that even a clam would blush.

Of course, these three fine citizens of… well, no country really, because they didn’t have official entry records into Paraguay, were *allegedly* Chinese nationals. The kind of men who enter the country the way someone might sneak into a buffet: through the back, via Brazil or Bolivia. Who knew international borders were like casual suggestions?

In addition to the three deported, there’s also Nahun María Velázquez Garcete, a legal resident in Paraguay who was arrested for aggravated theft. Velázquez, who had apparently misjudged the whole “don’t steal from crypto miners” memo, is now in pretrial detention. And just to make things extra spicy, Velázquez was hospitalized after the arrest – though officials are being suspiciously hush-hush about the nature of his injuries. A paper cut from the arrest papers, perhaps?

But wait, there’s more! The Paraguayan authorities suspect that there may have been other, shall we say, *interested parties* involved in the theft attempt. You know, the kind of people who don’t just stop at crypto mining – they try to steal the whole crypto farm. So the investigation is still ongoing, and the plot thickens like a good stew.

Deportees May Have Been Living the “Crypto Dream” for Months

Rolón believes that the three deported individuals had been living in Paraguay for *several months* (because nothing says “I’m here for legitimate work” like hanging out in a country without permission for an extended period). It’s unclear whether their work for Teratech was legit or whether they were merely moonlighting as *unofficial crypto enthusiasts*. Either way, the company’s CEO is expected to provide the kind of clarification you’d need to untangle the mess, assuming he doesn’t go the way of the clams and remain tight-lipped.

Why Paraguay, you ask? Well, turns out Paraguay is a goldmine (a *green* one, mind you) for crypto mining. With so much renewable energy flowing out of the Itaipu dam that they have enough electricity to power a small country… or, you know, a whole bunch of crypto miners looking for a cheap deal. Why not cash in on some surplus electricity? It’s like finding an all-you-can-eat buffet and not having to pay for the food. It’s practically *guilt-free* electricity! (Well, until you get caught, that is.)

The Itaipu dam supplies all of Paraguay’s local electricity needs, which leaves enough excess juice to fuel the crypto-mining dreams of people who clearly think “sleeping with the fishes” is an entirely different kind of business venture. Stay tuned for updates as this plot unfolds like a bad sequel to a heist film.

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2025-05-17 05:45

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