You’ll Never Believe Why the Dollar Isn’t Going Anywhere Anytime Soon! 🇺🇸💵

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In the endless struggle between fate and fortune, as the seasons waxed and waned over the Russian steppes, so too does the fate of nations turn upon forces unseen and barely comprehended. And yet, in this age—counted by pecuniary means and tallied in ledgers—there sits upon the golden throne of finance an object of seemingly inexhaustible faith: the dollar. Its countenance as bright as Anna Karenina’s eyes before the 5 o’clock train, but with considerably fewer tragic consequences (one hopes).

So spoke Emmanuel Roman, lord of PIMCO—though no serfs or borscht in sight; merely a Bloomberg interview, drier even than a Russian winter without vodka. The world, it appears, gazes upon America not unlike the denizens of Moscow at a grand ball: recognizing, if sometimes begrudgingly, the unique standing of this singular realm. America, with its rumpled ledgers and a propensity for trade skirmishes—let us not even whisper the name Trump here like some spectral presence at the family dinner—continues to twirl as the belle of the global currency ball.

And as Roman muses, “The US dollar is the reserve currency, and, to put it in terms only a czar or perhaps a particularly tenacious squirrel could dispute, also the most liquid Treasury market by an enormous factor.” Ah yes, liquidity—a word which here means ‘the ability to move mountains of cash faster than a Russian mother can size up her daughter’s suitors.’ For what is a slightly overvalued dollar, if not the finest coat at a Petersburg soirée? Just because one might wish to diversify to other currencies does not mean the rouble or the euro shall inherit the earth—or, indeed, the lucre. Trillions must live somewhere, and as Tolstoy said (well, might have said if he paid attention to Federal Reserve spreadsheets): it is what it is.

But what truly keeps the world spellbound, like Kitty gazing at Levin, is “American Exceptionalism”—that peculiar blend of self-confidence and historical revisionism dressed in well-cut diplomatic tails. “The systems are very liquid, very well run,” Roman explains with all the nationalist élan of Pierre Bezukhov after three bottles of wine. Where else would Japanese investors stash their mountainous dollar debts—if not in the arms of Lady Liberty herself, a far cry from the uncertainty of the yen? A hedge, indeed, and not merely of roses.

In the balalaika-strummed symphony of global finance, let no one forget these “important facts” regarding the flow of coin and the tides of fate (never mind that the world’s important facts have been known to change twice before breakfast). But, until the next war or inevitable literary adaptation, we leave the dollar where it belongs—on its throne, counting not its failings, but its fans.

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2025-05-13 23:33