Metaplanet Buys More Bitcoin Than You Have Leftover Sushi—Will Prices Explode?
Honestly, Monday mornings are usually reserved for coffee, existential dread, and deleting suspiciously expensive late-night online shopping receipts. But not for Metaplanet—oh no. Instead, they waltzed in with a casual announcement: “We’ve just bagged ourselves another 1,271 Bitcoins. Yes, one THOUSAND two hundred seventy-one! Cost us a mere $126.7 million, which is only slightly less than my cumulative Amazon wishlist. Current BTC price: $102,111 per coin (don’t check your wallet).”
Metaplanet Channels MicroStrategy, but Make It Japanese
If you’re not yet on first-name terms with Metaplanet, just imagine Japan’s answer to MicroStrategy, but with more sushi and less wild-eyed Twitter rants. Hot off their latest crypto bender, they dropped $126.7 million for 1,241 Bitcoins, possibly as some sort of flex. Rumor has it, they still believe Bitcoin is “the future.” (Don’t tell that to your uncle who still insists blockchain is a brand of Lego.)
As of May 12, 2025, Metaplanet’s custodial wallet is groaning under the weight of 6,796 BTC, costing them $608.2 million—a number I’d need to win the lottery 304 times to even approach. Their CEO Simon Gerovich has been strutting around with stats, showing off a 170% BTC yield since last year. Not to stir any drama, but even Adam Back is in the Metaplanet fan club, suggesting their crypto shenanigans outdo MicroStrategy’s.
Lest you think Metaplanet’s piggy-bank is empty: not even close. This week, they announced their 13th Series of Ordinary Bonds—because “unlucky number” superstitions clearly only apply to people not obsessed with digital money. Their EVO FUND keeps churning, and they’re on track to hit the 10,000 BTC goal by the end of 2026, because go big or go home, right?
Bonus meme for shareholders: Metaplanet stock rose another 3%. That’s over 550 JPY—like, way more sushi. Since their major BTC crush started mid-2024, the stock is up 1,700%, which is only slightly better than my performance at Dry January. Or anything, really.
Bull Stampede Incoming?
This week, BTC price swaggered up by 10.63% on the charts, climbing to $105,000—no, that’s not a typo, go ahead and rub your eyes. Apparently, US-China trade talks are “positive,” which is good, because someone needs to pay for all these Bitcoins. Analysts everywhere are fluttering with excitement hoping for those elusive “all-time highs”—and why not, it’s almost tradition at this point.
Financial analyst Joe Consorti did what analysts do, charted arrows, and found Bitcoin’s price likes to follow the global M2 Money Supply (with a 70-day delay, which honestly sounds like his Amazon Prime order). He did call M2 a “poor measure of money supply,” but hey, sometimes even the wrong bus gets you home.
Meanwhile, Bitcoin whales—think financial sharks in very expensive suits—are having a feeding frenzy. Analytics from LookonChain show a whale just bought 821 more BTC ($85.42 million) right after vacuuming up a similar haul the day before. Over the last two days, this particular whale hoovered up 1,721 Bitcoins worth $179 million. Must be nice.
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2025-05-12 09:37