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This One Thing at the Fed Still Holds Bitcoin Hostage (And No, It’s Not Coffee)

BBG News

Recently, in the bustling digital marketplace known as the Milk Road podcast (which, disappointingly, featured neither milkmaids nor cows), a certain Tapiero made an entrance. He voiced what many Bitcoiners only dare mutter into their GPUs at midnight: The Federal Reserve’s tight-fisted stance is putting the brakes on what could otherwise be digital carnival time for Bitcoin and its cryptic cousins.

Picture this: Decentralized finance is sprouting up like mushrooms after rain, NFT creators are churning out pictures of apes with more enthusiasm than a provincial clerk chasing a promotion, and yet, Tapiero declares, the whole edifice still leans on good old-fashioned liquidity from traditional finance, which trickles in slower than bureaucratic paperwork.

What really grates Tapiero’s babushka is this glaring mismatch: The government, in its infinite wisdom, is pinching kopeks on fiscal spending, but the Fed, led by Lord Powell (long may his spreadsheets reign), hasn’t loosened its monetary purse strings to match. With consumers tightening belts and the dollar beginning to droop like an overcooked blini, one doesn’t need to consult the priest or the fortune teller—“The writing is on the wall!” he proclaims, preferably in ominous Cyrillic.

Instead of letting the economy groan beneath the weight of government thriftiness, Tapiero would prefer the Fed prance in the opposite direction, throwing cash about like a newlywed at a provincial wedding. “In a rational world,” he hints (insert the laughter of minor devils), government money matters would be coordinated. But Powell remains about as eager as a Petersburg postman dreading Monday, and so everything languishes in delay.

Meanwhile, the foundations of crypto look robust. DeFi bubbling over! NFTs coming back for their encore! Yet even if blockchain had legs like a marathon runner from Poltava, Tapiero insists, it can’t quite escape the gravitational pull of mainstream liquidity. Once the traditional financiers decide to dip their toes back into the digital soup, he predicts a commotion worthy of a Gogolian marketplace—complete with shouting, lost hats, and possibly a minor stampede. 🪙🕺

Should the monetary rain finally come—“if,” the eternal word!—Tapiero expects Bitcoin to shoot skyward, perhaps even brushing his favorite number: $180,000. Crypto innovation and macroeconomic winds teaming up! A bull market for the history books, destined to sweep up more than just Bitcoin in its frothy wake.

But hark, dear reader—the true twist! The boundary between old money and new blockchains is thinner than a Petersburg overcoat in January. As long as central bankers keep twiddling their knobs and adjusting their mustaches, crypto’s wildest surges will always have a faint aroma of central bank cologne. And thus, fate, be it digital or denominated, remains comically intertwined. 🤡💸

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2025-05-12 05:24

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