Binance, Billions & The Donald: Is the Senate About to Spill the Digital Tea? ☕️💸

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Picture it, darling: Capitol Hill convulsing in embroidered outrage, monocles falling into martinis as those most exquisitely concerned Democratic senators ring the nation’s alarm bells over—brace yourself—a $2 billion crypto fandango featuring Binance and that indomitable realm of all things Trump. One almost expects a tap-dancing elephant to appear, but alas, just senators.

In a letter, and not a scented one mind you, dispatched to Treasury’s Scott Bessent and Attorney General Pam Bondi (presumably folded rather than rolled and tied with a ribbon), Senators Warren, Van Hollen, Whitehouse, and Blumenthal wailed—er, “expressed deep concern”—about a $2 billion investment showered upon Binance in March, a sum that could buy quite a lot of questionable art and possibly a small archipelago.

Now, let’s not forget Binance’s rather colorful legal scrapbook: a bit of money laundering here, a pinch of sanction splattering there. Former CEO Changpeng Zhao (for friends, CZ, for enemies, “Defendant”) has already sampled the hospitality of a U.S. prison, clocking in four months—hardly enough time for a decent memoir. Rumor has it, he even sent a pigeon (or a WhatsApp) seeking a presidential pardon from the Trump set. Divine, truly.

The letter insists that allowing Binance to continue “operating and expanding” in the U.S. is simply “deeply troubling.” (One imagines pearls were clutched, then promptly sold for Bitcoin.) Apparently, Binance’s fondness for regulatory chaos makes even Washington blush—the bar is high, but not insurmountable.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get more operatic: whispers abound about Binance schmoozing with World Liberty Financial, a Trump-adjacent endeavor, and perhaps, just perhaps, birthing a Trump-themed stablecoin. Collect all 45 for your digital mantlepiece.

The reverberations? Senate Dems stomped on a stablecoin bill—no one could find the actual text, which is terribly on-brand, and the bit banning presidents and their entourages from moonlighting in crypto was, inconveniently, nowhere in sight.

The senators’ pièce de résistance: a dramatic demand for answers by May 21. They want to know who’s pushing Binance out, who’s tallying up the company’s legal penance, and—perhaps most thrilling—whether anyone has cooked up a pardon for CZ, or plans to immortalize the Donald’s visage in stablecoin form. If only Watergate had had an NFT.

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2025-05-09 21:16