Messaging App Hack: Hundreds of US Government Workers Exposed in 15 Minutes Flat 😂

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Out in the digital fields where Administrations and bureaucrats labor—hoping no one roots in their rows—news blows in cold as the Salinas wind: a hack. Not just any hack, but one that split open the flimsy tin can of a messaging app, favored by Trump’s own folks and various shades of government payroll. Lord knows, nothing gold can stay, especially when your secrets are in an app that a teenager with too much Mountain Dew could peel open.

Some outfit called 404 Media—who I suspect spends as much time wandering around the web as Steinbeck’s Lennie did almond orchards—got wind of a thief nosing around TeleMessage. This is one of those Israeli outfits making “special” versions of chat apps, because the regular sort apparently aren’t clandestine enough for the likes of cabinet meetings, war-talk, or digital gossip.

Governments are forever coming up with new tricks, like raccoons trying to beat a new kind of garbage can. But even the clever ones get caught, and in their case, a Reuters photographer caught Michael Waltz, the ex-national security adviser—one eye on the meeting, thumb never far from TeleMessage, probably worried someone’s about to find out he uses ‘password’ as a password.

Meanwhile, our former national security star managed the feather-brained move of adding a journalist into a Signal group chat titled something like “Definitely Secret War Plans (No Press).” Makes you think twice about the security of your late-night texts.

Now, the hacker’s identity is more mysterious than where all your left socks go, but 404 Media poked around some files they were handed by—wait for it—Anonymous. The hacker, feeling generous and not a little smug, reckoned the job took less effort than trying to wash a cat: 15-20 minutes, tops.

Sure, Waltz’s sacred texts are still secret—this time. But the real haul landed on Customs and Border Protection and Coinbase, along with lifeboat-loads of government and finance types who probably thought “Good security practices” meant hiding the sticky note under the keyboard.

A little screenshot, clear as a dustbowl sunrise, shows the kind of back-end panel that temptation thrives on: names, phone numbers, and emails of CPB employees ready to be plucked like grapes in October. And just for style, the panel lets you select 747 entries. Not an airplane, but the number of people whose next password update will be “IHateHackers2024!!!”

So, once again, the big folks on the hill learn what farmhands always knew: leave the gate unlatched and the goats will get out, and probably leave you a mess in the garden, too. 🐐🕵️‍♂️😂

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2025-05-08 03:08