Stagflation: The Fed’s Latest Drama Could Make Bitcoin Rich, Analyst Sighs
What society’s wits are whispering:
- Bitcoin, no stranger to melodrama, flirted with heights above $96,000 after the Fed’s latest soliloquy, up 1.6% as lesser coins—XRP, AVAX, UNI—mourned their modest declines.
- The Federal Reserve, that most tragic of theatres, now trembles at the word “stagflation”—that exquisite cocktail of dismal growth and galloping prices which economists love like a bad romantic poem.
- Zach Pandl of Grayscale fame, with the gusto of a Victorian fortune teller, muses that such malaise could fan Bitcoin’s golden flames.
In the great salon of American finance, whispers grow shrill: the Federal Reserve, hitherto the very essence of composure, now clutches its pearls at the prospect of stagflation—a beast not glimpsed since bell-bottoms were in vogue and disco reigned supreme. The plot? An unholy union of languid growth and sprightly inflation, enough to sour any banker’s tea.
Chair Jerome Powell, brushing imaginary dust from the economy’s lapels, declared it to be in “good shape.” (“And how is the Titanic, Captain?”) The maestro assured, in dulcet monotone, that the Fed would “wait and see,” while its statement—drafted in prose only a central banker’s mother could love—reeked of subtle dread about what direction this dreary play might lurch.
Interest rates stand pat, like a butler awaiting dismissal. The Fed, peering at the horizon, sees the phantoms of inflation and unemployment conspire, summoning that rarest of syndromes: stagflation, which last haunted the scene when flared trousers ruled the earth. With policy levers hamstrung, it’s all a rather tragic farce—stimulus risks further inflation, while inaction leaves the economy brooding over weak tea and missed opportunities.
Enter Zach Pandl, the Cassandra of crypto, tweeting for all who care to listen that, “The Fed is worried about stagflation. We think that outcome would be good for bitcoin.” Bravo, Zach! One must admire the optimism: in a world on fire, at least one’s digital assets might remain pleasantly warm.
In a previous letter to the business gentry, Zach declared tariffs are stagflation’s closest confidant, hounding traditional investments, but elevating rare treasures like gold—and, with a wink, bitcoin, which had the decency not to be born in the 1970s. Now, it parades as a “modern store of value”—like gold, but without the annoying luster or physical inconvenience.
Bitcoin, ever the enigmatic protagonist, kept to a narrow staircase after the Fed’s performance—dipped a toe at $97,500 in the morning as China and America exchanged trade pleasantries, and closed at $96,500, up 1.6%, perhaps daydreaming of a world ruled by algorithms and men with ironic moustaches.
Meanwhile, the CoinDesk 20 Index (CD20), that all-too-broad mirror of the crypto cabaret, managed a miserable 0.3% ascent, haunted by tragic losses in XRP, AVAX, UNI, NEAR, and AAVE, who no doubt will pen melancholy sonnets about it in due course.
As a final bow, equities managed to collect themselves: the S&P 500 and Nasdaq crept up like embarrassed guests at a poorly attended soirée, with increases of 0.4% and 0.3%. The curtain falls. One hopes, at least, that bitcoin remembered to collect its hat and cane on the way out. 🥂💸
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2025-05-08 01:11