Peter Schiff’s Bitcoin Roast: Why He Thinks Your Crypto Isn’t Shiny Enough

Buckle up, financial nerds! Peter Schiff—yes, the Gold Guy who probably bathes in bullion—decided to wake up extra early on a Monday (which honestly, who does that willingly?) and throw shade on Bitcoin via Twitter, which is the true arena for serious economic debate, duh. 💅

So here’s the play-by-play: U.S. stock futures and the dollar took a nosedive, gold flexed with a cute 1% lift, but Bitcoin… well, it slipped about 2%. Schiff, twirling his gold-plated mustache, couldn’t resist pointing his finger and saying, “Told ya so!” According to him, Bitcoin is just another risk asset in a faux gold jacket—a crypto Elvis impersonator in the economic Vegas buffet.

“Tonight U.S. stock futures and the dollar are both selling off. But once again gold and Bitcoin are going in opposite directions,” Schiff tweeted, likely from a golden armchair. “Gold is acting like a safe haven… Bitcoin is trading like a risk asset… Clearly Bitcoin is not digital gold.”

Shocker! Schiff’s basically singing the same song about Bitcoin he’s been humming since Blockbuster went under. The gist? Bitcoin tries on gold’s shiny blazer but can’t quite pull off the look during a market panic. Imagine taking your inflatable pool floaty into a storm and being surprised it doesn’t hold up.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are trying to figure out if we should hoard gold coins, buy Bitcoin, or just start collecting Beanie Babies again as global uncertainty keeps the investment party wired and weird.

With the market doing its best rollercoaster impression, Schiff’s tweet cranks up the “Is Bitcoin really the new gold?” debate for the millionth time. At this point, the only thing more persistent than this debate is your aunt forwarding you cryptocurrency scams. 🙃

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2025-05-05 11:51