You Won’t Believe How Many Bitcoins This Company Wants to Buy Next!

The clock on the wall clicked. Strategy’s co-founder and chairman, Saylor, posted once more—a man peering into the financial abyss and grinning. Armed with nothing but his cryptic fingers and the restless spirits of capitalism, he dropped a subtle message on X. Oh, how subtle. It was the sort of ‘clue’ that slaps you on the back and giggles: a screenshot of the company’s Bitcoin coffers and the lamentation, “Too much blue, not enough orange.” Mysterious? Perhaps. Repetitive? Certainly. 🕵️‍♂️🍊

The initiated know this riddle. Each time Saylor yells into the digital void about color palettes, it’s as if he’s throwing breadcrumbs to a flock of hungry seagulls—speculators and traders who never bothered to buy a dictionary but sure know how to buy a dip. The air grows thick with anticipation, and elsewhere, the humble accountant’s eyebrow trembles.

Current state of affairs: Strategy now lugs around more than 553,000 BTC, which is a polite way of saying “$52.8 billion in internet coins”. That’s over 2% of the world’s supply—which really brings a tear to the eye of anyone who owns just 0.0023 BTC and a fridge full of regret. Now, rumors swirl about new cash pouring in from equity sales, blowing hope into the sails of those who dream in large round numbers—600,000 BTC and counting.

Hours after Saylor’s digital proclamation, Bitcoin twitched upward by nearly 3%, like a dog who just heard the treat bag rustle. Market traders, ever the optimists, took this as divine prophecy. Every time Strategy opens their crypto wallet, the market tends to lose its collective chill, and today was no exception.

With BTC perched around $95,000, the crowd watches. Will it leap for the stars—or just stub its toe on the moon? Analyst Javon Marks squints at the horizon and mutters about $116,000. Robert Kiyosaki and Arthur Hayes prefer to put their chips on a million. Spoiler: the only thing climbing faster than their predictions is the level of sarcasm in these forecasts.

And Saylor himself? He simply shrugs, serenely perched on a mountain of digital coins, and declares, “I will forever buy the top.” Somewhere, a financial advisor sighs and lights another cigarette. 🍷💸

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2025-05-05 01:33