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You Won’t Believe Tether’s Latest Billion-Dollar Drama! (Even Tolstoy Would Blink)

BBG News

In the harsh white light of modern finance, as in the shadowed corners of a drawing room in Moscow, there are numbers — great, ponderous numbers — that refuse to explain themselves. Tether, that unblinking financier of dreams wrapped in the shell of a stablecoin, found itself at the close of March atop an improbable hoard: nearly $120 billion entrusted to the winds of U.S. Treasurys. The news, delivered with as much ceremony as a mid-winter ball, danced before the public on Thursday. As for profit, over $1 billion arrived to puff Tether’s pockets; but, compared with last quarter’s $6 billion, it seemed almost as modest as Pierre’s hopes in the face of Natasha’s coy indifference.

Tether’s U.S. Treasury Holdings: Nearly $120 Billion and Counting

The Q1 2025 report dropped — with all the drama of a family will — to assure the world that, while the crypto market withered in storms and scandals like peasants beneath a landlord’s whim, Tether remained standing. Or at least, sitting on its capital like an aging aristocrat reminiscing about past glories. With a press release as boisterous as a St. Petersburg salon, Tether declared its operating profit surpassed $1 billion in the first quarter. The U.S. Treasury investments: almost $120 billion, the largest sum in Tether’s file of achievement certificates (suitable for framing). The venerable house of BDO, auditors so somber Tolstoy might mistake them for an unhappy marriage, corroborated these astonishing digits. The message: dominance, or at least the appearance thereof — and as Tolstoy teaches us, sometimes appearance is nine-tenths of society. 🚀

USDT marches on, the czar of stablecoins, its claim of $150 billion in circulation both dazzling and detached from material reality — very much like Moscow society’s passion for gossip and borrowed rubles. Every quarter, a new report emerges, as regular as church bells tolling another round of financial confession, so the world may witness the reserves that prop up this digital empire.

And what makes up Tether’s treasure chest? Nearly $120 billion in U.S. Treasury exposure, but like a Russian novel’s family tree, it’s more complicated than it first appears. There are the direct investments, sturdy and unyielding — about $99 billion by the end of Q1 — and the more circuitous routes: holdings swaddled in money market funds and those ever-mysterious reverse repurchase agreements (which sound more like Dostoevskian plot twists than financial instruments).

Let us not forget the aristocrats of profit: Tether’s $1 billion gain for Q1 2025, a sharp descent from last quarter’s $6 billion windfall. Last time, Bitcoin and gold played the roles of dashing adventurers, sweeping in to save the family estate. This quarter, it was the U.S. Treasurys, sedate but dependable, ensuring the company did not have to pawn the silver — while gold lurked in the background, prepared to steady the ship should crypto madness return. 😅

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2025-05-01 20:40

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