In today’s episode of “As the Supercar Turns,” The Wall Street Journal lit some drama-fuel by claiming that Tesla’s board started hunting for a new CEO. Why? Because apparently, Elon Musk has been too busy running the government’s new “Department of Government Efficiency” (which, honestly, sounds like a punchline from an SNL sketch) and catching up on Reddit while Tesla’s profits went poof—we’re talking a 71% profit drop in Q1 2025, followed by outrage from people who keep mistaking X for a treasure map.
According to “sources familiar with discussions” (which is journalism-speak for “my Uber driver’s cousin’s friend heard this at brunch”), the board got so nervous about Elon’s multi-tasking that they rang up some executive search firms and asked, “Hey, ever seen a billionaire with ADD? Asking for a ~car~ friend.” No word on whether Musk, who sits on the board, noticed all the side-eye at meetings.
Never one to be out-memed, Tesla Chair Robyn Denholm smashed the rumor button on X, calling the entire thing “absolutely false” and clarifying that the board has infinite (probably, hopefully) confidence in Space Dad Elon to keep building cars that sometimes drive themselves and occasionally catch fire in a good way.
Elon himself, internet champion and connoisseur of all-caps, leapt onto X and declared the WSJ article a “DELIBERATELY FALSE ARTICLE” and practically accused the reporter of using ChatGPT for journalism, which, well, would never happen… right?
Car drama, CEO drama, Twitter beefs—pass the popcorn and maybe buckle up (for safety, and because you never know when this company is going to the moon or into the ditch).
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2025-05-01 13:59