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This Biometric Crypto ID Wants Your Eyes, Your Love Life, and Now Your American Dreams

BBG News

In the shadowed alleys of American progress—where dreams ferment and occasionally rot—World, the enigmatic progeny once called Worldcoin, has cast its pale, analytical eye upon the United States. Yes, reader, your humble narrator assures you: six cities—San Francisco, Los Angeles, Atlanta, Austin, Miami, and Nashville—have been chosen as unlikely bullseyes for the arrival of this digital inquisition. A poet might say: “O, let me clutch thee, Orb!” for that is, quite literally, what now must be done.

Led by those architects of our digital fate, Tools for Humanity, whose name alone reeks of utopian menace, and assisted by co-founder Sam Altman—the man with ambition matched only by his ability to stare at screens for unhealthy hours—the project erects its glassy mausoleums upon Main Street. Enter, dear Americans! Place thine eyeball betwixt the mechanical eyelids of the Orb; in return, receive that most Dostoevskian of things: a digital passport, confirming not your soul’s salvation, but merely your existence as a human being. 😳

Alas! There will be no golden WLD coins raining from above for our American cousins. The lawgivers—stern, unimaginative, always late to supper—have decreed that cryptocurrency tokens remain off the menu. Fret not! You may still open the World App’s crypto wallet and gaze upon its digital emptiness, a perfect symbol for twenty-first century ennui.

Yet World’s ambitions do not wither in the face of regulation; no, it plans to unleash over 7,000 blinking Orbs, presumably blinking in existential confusion, across the land of liberty by year’s end. The target? A modest 180 million Americans! (One hesitates to ask what’s in store for the remaining 150 million.)

But wait, there is more to marvel at: a partnership with Visa! Coming in the summer of 2025, the heroic “World Visa card” promises to advance the cause of capitalism and ocular fatigue in equal measure. And, because love is never safe from bureaucracy, they have joined hands with the creators of Tinder, launching verification trials in Japan. Swipe right if you’re human. Swipe left if you are, as some of us already suspect, a Dostoevskian apparition wandering the cold digital steppes. 💳👁️‍🗨️💔

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2025-05-01 12:05

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