Why 99.9% of Crypto Is About as Useful as a Chocolate Teapot 🍫⛔

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During a most enlightening chat on the esteemed “The Journeyman” podcast with the financial virtuoso Mr Raoul Pal, one Mr Barry Silbert, founder of the rather mysterious Digital Currency Group, did confess that the vast majority—nay, 99.99%—of these curious cryptocurrency tokens are as devoid of value as a dismal excuse for a summer bonnet. 

“Since the dawn of my acquaintance with Bitcoin, now some thirteen years past,” quoth he, “I have maintained an intellectual curiosity regarding all manner of newfangled tokens that dare to enter our sphere. Pray, let it be known that, for the most part, these tokens have neither cause nor reason to be—they simply are worthless,” he declared with a studied disdain that one might reserve for a particularly insipid dance.

Mr Silbert has set his standards for excitement at such a lofty altitude that even the most audacious balloonist might suffer vertigo. 

Despite this, the self-styled “crypto king” remains oddly fond of the privacy tokens—such as Zcash—that continue to flounder like a ship becalmed in a fog. 

“One day, the good people shall surely appreciate the sanctity of financial privacy,” he opined, as if revealing a secret only shared by those in possession of a private diary. “Indeed, there exists a variant of Bitcoin that enjoys such privacy,” he added, like a magician alluding to a trick yet unrevealed.

Mr Silbert first dipped his toes into the Bitcoin waters when the price hovered around a modest seven dollars in the year of our Lord 2011. At first, he fancied himself a prodigious genius for such a venture, though he soon entertained the less flattering notion that his riches had been cast to the winds, following a most unsettling price tumble. 

Yet, as Bitcoin’s fortunes revived with more vigour than a reawakened suitor, he redirected his attentions to investing in the industrious companies constructing the infrastructure that supports this curious digital realm. Among these was Ripple, a gentleman of some repute in the cryptographic courts. 

“Had I merely clung to my Bitcoins as a miser to his gold, I daresay I would have prospered far more than through these varied investments,” he confessed with the rueful candour of one who has weathered both fortune and folly.

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2025-04-17 22:12