Oh, dear readers, imagine a grand spectacle fit for a traveling carnival: His Excellency Trump has chosen to sprinkle a whopping 104% tariff upon the fine wares of China—like tossing an enormous watermelon onto a teetering cart already laden with fireworks. Predictably, China refuses to genuflect before these mighty threats and brandishes its own stubborn resolve (complete with disapproving frowns and dramatic flourishes) 😂.
In a twist worthy of a fable, Russia joins China in a rather mischievous foray: they have turned to that most peculiar of digital marvels, Bitcoin, to settle energy trades. One imagines them chuckling over virtual coins, snugly transferring wealth beneath the watchful glare of old-fashioned bankers clutching their ledgers.
The learned Mr. Matthew Sigel, head of digital assets research at VanEck (surely sporting a handsome frock coat in our imaginations), has raised his eyebrows at this tariff drama and proclaimed it a windfall for Bitcoin. He deftly insists that governments worldwide, distressed by the rattling and clanking of traditional currency wagons, are tiptoeing toward the open door of digital trades with glistening crypto coins in hand.
SOME THOUGHTS FOR CLIENTS ON TARIFFS IMPACT ON BITCOIN –>
Such is the fanfare of the latest tariff announcements, triggering more fuss and commotion than a tipsy donkey stumbling through a quiet village…
— matthew sigel, recovering CFA (@matthew_sigel) April 4, 2025
The universal worry, as Sigel suggests, is that the global financial tapestry may unravel like an ill-sewn quilt. Thus, nations—eyeing each other suspiciously—seek refuge in the realm of crypto. Not only China and Russia, but also Bolivia, who has hopped aboard the bandwagon with energy imports. Even a French utility giant is rumored to harness leftover sparks to mine Bitcoin, as though hooking a donkey to a loom to weave digital magic 🙈.
Indeed, the world’s perspective on Bitcoin and its digital cousins has shifted faster than a giddy peasant discovering an extra loaf of bread. Countries are testing these currencies as hedges and trade-settlement options, especially when traditional markets waggle nervously and threaten to tumble like a row of portly toads on a slippery log—the outlandish performance of NASDAQ and DOW contrasted with Bitcoin’s surprisingly stoic demeanor.
Alas, many observers stand late to the fair, for the Trump circus has already advanced its crypto maneuvers. The good man has stashed Bitcoin in the Strategic U.S. Reserve, orchestrated a brand-new crypto department, and presumably engineered a cunning plan so that—if the dollar flops—his digital ducks will line up neatly in a row. One can almost hear the jingle of virtual coins mixing with the laughter of onlookers. 🦆💰
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2025-04-09 20:38