Trade Tariffs and Bitcoin: A Comedic Coin Conundrum!

Ah! What a ruckus we find ourselves in! Picture this: a towering figure, all hair and bluster, waltzing into the Oval Office on January 20, swatting at China like a pesky fly trying to spoil his lunch. Indeed, this is but the latest act in the grandiose tragedy of protectionism orchestrated by none other than our beloved Trump! Markets, once gleeful and frisky, now resemble a troupe of anxious pigeons – Bitcoin has plummeted by an embarrassing 18%, and the S&P 500? A shocking 7% less than before the theatrics began!

Fast forward to March 29, and oh my, what news through the grapevine! The venerable The Washington Post, that arbiter of truth and occasional rumor mill, reports that our tumultuous leader wishes to tighten his grip on trade like a child hoarding candy after a trip to the store. Rumors abound of a grand proclamation on April 2, promising tit-for-tat tariffs against key trade partners. Why? To remedy our whopping $1.2 trillion trade deficit and rekindle our languid manufacturing sector. Very noble indeed! 🎩

Risk-Off Vibes Hit Crypto — But the Whales Keep Swimming

While tariff-related trepidation terrifies some investors and sends them scurrying like frightened mice, there are still those bold enough to swim against the current. The notorious Bitcoin whales, the ever-elusive holders of substantial BTC, are dipping into the waters, snatching up the discounted digital gold. Other cryptocurrencies, like the persistent little XRP and Litecoin, are luring in the less cautious buyers as anticipation builds toward XRP’s ETF confirmations.

According to the brilliant minds at Glassnode, whale wallets have climbed from 1,956 to 1,990 since the dawn of 2025. It is still a humble number compared to February 2024’s peak, where 2,370 addresses basked in digital glory, but hey – a gathering of shadows is still a gathering! 🐋

Not to be outdone, Bitwise CEO Hunter Horsley, a name fit for the finest of novels, declared on X (the social media platform of perils and memes), “People want to save in Bitcoin instead of cash. Increasingly, corporations do too. Why? They possess a staggering $5 trillion of cash!” Imagine that: if only the top 10 companies exchanged a mere 5% of their cash idols for BTC, we would see a jubilant $40 billion flow in! What a delightful prospect for our hypothetical moneymakers! 💰

ETF Momentum Stalls, But Bulls Eye Long-Term Targets

And what of the grand parade of ETF inflows? It came to a grinding halt, like a horse tripping over its own hooves, on March 28! Fidelity’s spot Bitcoin ETF experienced an outlandish $93 million outflows that day, and the others merely lay flat and lifeless, according to the esteemed Farside Investors. Not particularly jubilant, but fortunately, not an outright stampede for the exits either—an encouraging little comedy in this dreary affair.

Yet, lo and behold, the long-term prospects seem to sparkle in the rather dismal atmosphere! Analysts wag their fingers and predict a propitious leap to between $160K and $180K by the close of 2025, as Bitcoin’s halving frenzy meets the irresistible demand from those cash-carrying institutions. One can only chuckle as Bitwise confidently prognosticates a lofty price of $200,000 in 2025! How delightful, if only one could speculate on the winners of the next horse race with such certainty.

And let’s not neglect the charming quirk of Bitcoin – it often dances to its own tune, especially when fiat systems wobble unsteadily and the specter of inflation raises its head like a troublesome ghost. 👻

That 10-day ETF inflow streak, alas, has met its end, but let us tip our hats to Farside for the insightful commentary.

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2025-04-01 13:37