GameStop’s Bitcoin Gambit: A Tale of Wobbly Promises and Convertible Notes 🚀

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GameStop is at it again. You know, the company that’s less “eternal juggernaut of retail” and more “slightly tipsy roller skater on a high-strung ramp.” On March 26, their shares pirouetted upwards by nearly 12%, all because someone in the boardroom apparently muttered, “Let’s buy Bitcoin!” 🪙

But wait, don’t reach for the party hats yet. They’re not financing this audacious crypto plunge by shaking their piggy bank or finding coins under the couch cushions. Oh no. They’re diving into debt financing. Yes, debt — the financial equivalent of borrowing a ladder to climb out of a hole you just dug yourself into. Specifically, they served up a lofty $1.3 billion convertible notes offering post-market closure on March 26.

Now, “convertible senior notes” might sound fancy, but it’s essentially debt that moonlights as equity. GameStop plans to use these funds for “general corporate purposes,” which includes, you guessed it, acquiring Bitcoin. Because what’s life without a sprinkling of risk, right? 🤷‍♂️

They reassured everyone in their statement (complete with the kind of corporate jargon that could lull a charging rhino to sleep), saying, “GameStop expects to use the net proceeds from the offering for general corporate purposes, including the acquisition of Bitcoin in a manner consistent with GameStop’s Investment Policy.” Sure, that clears it all up… not really. 😏

What’s their recent obsession? Digital assets! On March 25, GameStop unveiled plans to shuffle some of their not-insignificant corporate cash reserves or borrow debt to dabble in Bitcoin and those intriguingly dull-sounding US-dollar-pegged stablecoins. For context, they’ve got $4.77 billion in cash reserves as of Feb. 1. Last year, they had a modest $921.7 million. That’s glow-up money. 💸

Oh, speaking of stock prices, Google Finance says GameStop’s shares closed at $28.36 on the NYSE, marking an impressive 11.65% gain for the day. Let’s give a little golf clap for that, shall we? 👏

Contagious or Just Plain Contagion?

GameStop’s crypto aspirations follow in the somewhat bumpy footsteps of Strategy, a pioneer in converting corporate treasuries into Bitcoin bingo cards back in August 2020. Fast forward to December 2024, and Strategy’s stock has ballooned an eye-watering 3200%. Makes you wonder if their strategy includes a crystal ball. 🔮

Then there’s Metaplanet. You’ve probably never heard of them unless you hang around obscure trading forums or name your pet fish “Satoshi.” Their bold announcement to accumulate 21,000 BTC by 2026 sent their stock skyrocketing by 4800%. Investors flocked like seagulls to a french fry, boosting their market capitalization by a whopping 6300%. 🎉

Even Semler Scientific, which sounds like a company that might sell lab coats or microscopes, saw its stock leap after joining the Bitcoin bandwagon. According to CoinGecko, 32 organizations now hold BTC on their balance sheets. Imagine a support group meeting for them. “Hi, I’m GameStop, and I just bought Bitcoin.” 🎤

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2025-03-27 00:04