When Buying Bitcoin Becomes a National Debt Eraser: One Man’s Crazy $584M Gamble! 💸

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Stop the presses! Strategy just splurged $584 million on bitcoin, because clearly, you can’t have too much digital gold. 💎📈 Meanwhile, Michael Saylor is out here declaring $13 million bitcoin price targets as if he’s predicting tomorrow’s weather. Oh, and apparently, it’s also going to wipe out the national debt. Casual. 😏

Guess Who Just Bought 6,911 BTC? Spoiler: It’s Not Your Grandma 🤑

In a plot twist to rival your favorite soap opera, software intelligence firm Microstrategy, now dramatically rebranded as “Strategy” (because branding is life, obviously) said on March 24, “Hold my spreadsheet” and bought up 6,911 BTC for—wait for it—$584.1 million. All this while the rest of us are trying to decide if we can afford guac on our burrito bowls. 🥑😩

Apparently, they achieved this feat by throwing proceeds from their stock offerings into the bitcoin shopping cart. The result? Strategy’s impressive collection now totals 506,137 BTC. Yes, you heard that right. That’s a whole mountain of digital coins sitting at a cost basis of $33.7 billion and an average cost of $66,608 per bitcoin. Someone send this man a “Hodler of the Century” trophy. 🏆

Strategy’s self-appointed bitcoin prophet, Michael Saylor, naturally had to share the big news on social media platform X (formerly known as Twitter, but apparently Elon Musk loves a rebrand too). In true Saylor style, he posted:

MSTR has acquired 6,911 BTC for ~$584.1 million at ~$84,529 per bitcoin and has achieved BTC Yield of 7.7% YTD 2025. As of 3/23/2025, Strategy holds 506,137 BTC acquired for ~$33.7 billion at ~$66,608 per bitcoin.

Translation: We’re swimming in bitcoin like Scrooge McDuck swims in gold coins. 🦆🪙

But Wait, There’s More! Enter the $13 Million Bitcoin Price Prophecy 🔮

Saylor isn’t stopping at just stacking sats. Oh no. He’s been jetting off to meet U.S. regulators, schmoozing up the SEC, and even making an appearance at a White House Crypto Summit. (Yes, the White House. Bet you didn’t see that one coming. 🇺🇸✨)

His big vision? Bitcoin hitting $13 million by 2045 (because why dream small?) with a bull case of $49 million and a bear case of $3 million. Let’s be real: If bitcoin even brushes past $13 million, I’m ordering a solid gold couch off Etsy. 🛋️🔔

But wait, there’s more! Saylor thinks bitcoin’s overall market cap will balloon to $200 trillion. For reference, that’s “Jeff Bezos x 178” levels of money. He’s also convinced that setting up a U.S. Strategic Bitcoin Reserve will toss a cheeky $81 trillion into Uncle Sam’s piggy bank by 2045, just enough to cover up that awkward national debt situation. 🎩🇺🇸

At this rate, Saylor might just tweet he’s planning to replace the Statue of Liberty with a giant bitcoin logo any day now. 😂🗽

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2025-03-24 17:14