Bitcoin’s 400% Surge: Same Old Story? Or a New Trick?

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Popular analyst Merlijn The Trader, who likely spends his weekends juggling cryptocurrency charts like a circus performer with a nervous twitch, recently took to X to explain that Bitcoin’s current antics bear an uncanny resemblance to its 2022 shenanigans-except this time, the rabbit might not be in the hat. Or maybe it’s just a very confused hare.

To even have a theoretical chance of repeating its previous feats, Merlijn insists Bitcoin must hold a key level that’s as reliable as a teetering stack of Jenga blocks. One might say it’s the digital equivalent of a bridge too far.

385% Surge in the Making?

His analysis, which is about as clear as a foggy mirror in a cryptic sauna, notes that Bitcoin has run this particular playbook three years ago. The descending compression and sweep buy liquidity, he claims, are the market’s version of a magician’s sleight of hand-except the audience is mostly made of late sellers who’ve been lured in by the promise of riches and a very questionable investment strategy.

Merlijn’s theory suggests that if Bitcoin can hold its breath long enough, the price will reverse with the grace of a disgruntled cat. Last time this happened, Bitcoin rocketed from $15,000 to $73,000, which is like a toddler’s first steps-unpredictable, slightly alarming, and possibly a sign of greater things to come. A 385% surge would send it soaring past $300,000, which is roughly the same as saying “I’ll be back” in a universe where time travel is a scam.

Of course, this scenario is about as likely as a penguin winning a Nobel Prize. But Merlijn insists that as long as Bitcoin holds the $65,000 level-a number so crucial it’s probably etched into the blockchain’s DNA-it might reignite a rally so impressive, it could make even the most jaded investor question their life choices.

BITCOIN RAN THE SAME PLAYBOOK AS NOVEMBER 2022.

Descending compression. Sweep buy liquidity. Trap late sellers. Then reverse.

Last time this resolved: BTC went from $15K to $73K.

Hold $65K: base is complete. Lose it: liquidity sweep continues.

The market hunts liquidity…

– Merlijn The Trader (@MerlijnTrader) March 14, 2026

Merlijn, ever the optimist, doubled down by claiming that every major BTC cycle began with a bear trap. Previous examples, such as the massive runs in 2013, 2016, and 2020, saw gains so astronomical they’d make a dragon blush. 24,000%, 6,300%, and 842%-numbers so large they’re practically a different language. But fear, he insists, is the first phase of every rally. And since fear has been the market’s favorite pastime for months, it’s like a party where everyone’s invited but no one’s having fun.

Still Bear Cycle

In the meantime, Doctor Profit, the crypto equivalent of a weather forecast that always predicts rain, has acknowledged Bitcoin’s recent pump to $74,000. However, he argues this is likely a short-term blip before “we see another downturn” to new lows. The cryptocurrency, now struggling to stay above $70,000, is currently as reliable as a sieve with a leaky spout.

The market was indeed rejected at $74,000 for the second time in 10 days, which is like a dog refusing to fetch a ball it’s already chewed on. Doctor Profit, ever the cheerful prophet of doom, warns that the “fake pump” will last for weeks, during which investors will be encouraged to enjoy the illusion of wealth while the real money remains stubbornly hidden in a vault guarded by a combination lock and a very angry squirrel.

#Bitcoin is rising fast and strong, exactly as predicted. Expect more upside move before we see another downturn move to new lows. In the meantime, let’s enjoy the fake pump together that will last for some weeks!

– Doctor Profit (@DrProfitCrypto) March 13, 2026

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2026-03-14 16:54